Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The old lady who lived in a shoe

Since when did I start giving off the vibe that says "hey, I am a nice complete stranger, please leave your unattended children with me, and I will watch over and nurture them until you return?"

I don't think I look overly friendly. I mean, I don't look like a pedophile, but I have been told in the past, my face rests in a natural position that says "I just stepped in dog crap." So, it's not like I ooze Mother Goose and Blues Clues all over the place.

And yet, when we arrived at out local park yesterday for some much needed outside time, a woman, who was there with her toddler, promptly got up, and went to go sit in her van in the parking lot, leaving her maybe two year old daughter to wander the playground alone. Which really translated into following me around, so that not only did I have to wrangle two boys in and out of swings, and up and down slides, I now had to also accommodate a runny nosed toddler who was beyond under dressed for the weather, wearing shoes that refused to stay on, so I was constantly bending over in my pre-motherhood low rider jeans, baring ass to all as I retied her shoes ten times. That lady sat in her damn van for an hour.

Then today, while we stood in the pet area of Walmart for 20 minutes waiting for some much needed fish assistance (a respectable amount of time has passed, and we are now replacing the departed Carlos, the douche bag fish), a miniature tyrant ran up to us, and started pounding on the fronts of the fish tanks, scaring the crap out of all the fish...literally...there was stringy fish crap everywhere. This monster looked about four or five, and while I tried to ignore him, I had to speak up when he started to scale the shelves. Again, no parent in sight for over 10 minutes, and even then, his father strolled up, no explanation, and led him away.

I am not your babysitter, folks. You don't get to just pawn your dependents off on me while you go drink moonshine in your rusty van, or buy a rifle at Walmart "fer shootin stuff." And, call me paranoid, but my kids don't just wander around unattended. Heck, my kids wear leashes. Leashes!

So heed this warning, the next time you decide I look like the type of person you can safely leave your kids with, you are probably right. I'll keep an eye on them, stop them from hurting themselves, and maybe even prevent them from running into traffic. But know, when you return, I will secretly take a picture of you with my camera phone, humorously photoshop the hell out of it at home (if I even have to, ya toothless bastards), and post it right here on my blog, so everyone can see what a tool of a parent you are.

4 comments:

Judy @ No Fear Entertaining said...

I am always complaining about this same thing. Where the fuck do these parents get off thinking that I will watch their children. I barely like mine some days and they think for some reason I would like theirs???!!! Their are 2 parks here that I will not go to anymore because people were always leaving their kids there or sending them on their own!

Do you think you struck a sore point with me on this one?

Amy said...

Parents would rue the day they left their kids with me!! Just ask M. My dogs taught her child to bark. I am not even kidding.

Lisa Marie said...

Britt, you so should've headed toward the pool just to see if she would've tried to get her lol Whats sad is I have to deal with her on a weekly basis lol Yay me!!! I can't wait for the baby to start walking then it will be doublt the trouble :) I am the same as you though I wouldve helped her out too. You can't blame the kids that their parents are morons :)

Laura said...

Where are the pics??? :)