Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Totally, way more famous in my head.

I hope you all had fun participating in the Mission Monday Challenge! Jay and Deb do a fabulous job, and I thank them so much for featuring me, it was a blast...especially since I didn't even have to do anything...which is my favorite part...oh, and you get to win free stuff, which is also fun...but the whole me doing nothing part is by far, way more exciting for me.

And, this kinda relates to a super fun thing I have coming up here on this cesspool of a blog. It is so stinkin' exciting, I am even giddy typing about it, which is rare, because I don't even get up off the couch these days unless it is for Chinese food or cake. But, to build some excitement, I am going to stop talking abut it, and divert your attention to a real life story you may all totally think is lame, and then mention a little bit about the hooplah again at the end.

Ok, so here is my story.

Deep breath.

Ok, so. I know people read this blog. I mean, I see your sweet ass comments, and they totally make me all giddy and...um...bajiggity (totally a real word), like the time I thought I found the best sectional couch ever on Craigslist, even though in the end, it turned out it was just this super creepy old dude looking for gay sex with a minor...total let down...but still, if you can imagine it, you make me even more giddy than that!

So anyways, yes, I know you read it, I see that you read it when I compulsively stalk my creepy big brother stats program, and you all do it from super glamorous places like California, Tokyo, Canada and Mexico City. But... I don't get to watch you read it. I don't get to watch your reaction, you know, to see if you laugh in all the same places I do, or if you totally roll your eyes when I use an ellipse for, like...the 385485648392 time, or groan when once again, I start all my sentences with conjunctions (FYI, be thankful you read me in blog form and not talk to me in person. I write how I really talk, dropping tons of likes and totallys and ums...I am told it's a wee bit dramatic)

So, in general, my job is kinda intangible. I give you disgusting and detailed pieces of my life, and in return you give me comments, emails and ad revenue.

Such is the life of a blogger.

Until...dum dum dum!

Ok, so I was at the dentist with my husband for about the 90th time this week, because, I swear, the boy cannot shit or get off the pot on this, just get a silly root canal or pull the bastard tooth out, we're bleeding co-pays here, ya pussy (Sorry babe, but really, this is getting excessive, even though you know the sterile office smell totally gets me hot)!

Anyways, it was around noonish, we were waiting in the waiting area, which is pretty much also open to the office area, so while hubby was all but tinkling his pants at the thought they may actually, oh, I don't know, touch his tooth today, I was waay busier checking out all the photos plastered all over the desks of the workers.

Which, I gotta say, don't shoot me an evil glare like I am some kind of peeping tom, when you literally have 9 million photos of your cocker spaniel in different outfits wallpapered around your desk area. What the crap else am I supposed to stare at? Your tacky light up turkey pin? The fuzzy mexican soap opera you have playing on the 'ole 13 inch tv? Get over yourself lady, and stop wearing colored socks with your crocks, it looks stupid.

Back on point, I was going from desk to desk, and then, BOOM. I saw on the computer screen of some girl....my header! Oh Em Gee! Someone was freaking reading my blog. Like, right in front of my very eyes.

Squeal!

But, I mean, what do I do?

Nothing, right? Because the measure of a good person is...um...humility, modesty, and shit like that, right?

Right.

So, we got called back, once again, my husband was given a pardon on all things ouchie, and we checked out, and SweetfuckingGodofChrist, that same girl that was reading, well, me, met us at the desk.

And, I was all like, HI! But, she didn't even make eye contact. hmph. So, I decided to randomly start talking about how I was sooo craving sauerkraut, hoping that would, like, spark something inside her to realize just who I was, and then get all gushy and want a picture with me, and make a big fuss in the office, and have me talk to her mom on her cell phone, because her mom is also, like, my biggest fan ever, and strangers would come up to me and have me kiss their babies, and sign their boobs, and it would totally validate all the stuff I have been telling myself in the mirror for years now.

But, apparently, someone was way more focused on getting a lunch break, than to notice just who was standing right before her very eyes! Are you reading this lady? You could have met me, in person, face to face, people would kill for that (may or may not be a true statement).

So...that's pretty much the entire story. Kinda anti-climactic. We left. I was starving, but my husband can't eat hard things, so, once again, we were stuck going to Panera so he could have soup, which, can I just say, isn't even a real meal. Soup is, like, a pre-meal. People who go places and just order the soup are douche bags who only do it to look meek and health savvy, when in reality, they just go home afterward, and eat their feelings from an endless bag of candy bars hidden in the bottom of their closets...or so I've heard.

Sooooo....man. I could totally eat a cake right now.

Oh, and yes, regarding the whole big thing coming up on my blog thing. Here is the deal, GIVEAWAY ITEMS WANTED. Do you make things, own a big fancy company who does, and want mad exposure by me? Then EMAIL ME, because we have a super big giveaway event coming up, and I would love for you to participate, which pretty much means, I gush about you tons, my millions of readers will see how fucking cool you are, and everyone will love you.

Pretty much the best deal ever.

58 comments:

Jay @halftime lessons said...

You rock Foodie...and are you bullshitting me? Did you really catch a random person reading your blog??

That's just...stalker weird...

By the way, for your Giveaway, I give away unwanted sexual advances. Just lemme know if you think there is a demand.

AJ said...

Ohmigosh...I know, my company makes metal surface treatment products like phosphate coatings. Everyone wants some of that, right? No? Hmmm. We also make nano-coatings, now. Those are in high demand, right? Not so much with normal people? Well, crap.

We also make Armour Meats. No wait, we sold that. Well, we make Duck brand Duct Tape. Nope, sold that too. I know, we make Purex laundry detergent, and Dial products, and Dep and Got2Be hair cair products. Oh wait. They don't even have a fucking employee discount on that stuff, let alone give it away.

So apparently, I suck and can only contribute in the form of wanting to win cool stuff that other people have to offer:)

Fiesty Charlie said...

Love it....

Maybe she was just too nervous about meeting you to say anything, or thought you might be upset at being out as famous right there in the waiting room.

If you want one of my crappy paintings for your giveaway, it is yours... I have a couple new ones I am working on and will send you pictures before I post on my blog, so you can pick it out.

If no, I will come up with something else... can I pull something out of the re-gifting closet?

DCD said...

Hmmm. I wish I could give away a night in the Hotel I manage. But I'm only the Assistant GM, and somehow trying to get my boss to give away a night's stay to a blog just doesn't seem plausible.

Sorry about that. BUT, I would totally fall all over you if I saw you IN PERSON. And I would absolutely ask you to sign my boobs.

Dejoni said...

I have some great Candleberry candles called the Beach and they are fabulous. Light one, make a pina colada, close your eyes and I swear, you can hear a Mexican dude saying, "Ole."
I can hook you up and one for yourself.

Average Girl In Average World said...

All I got to say is If Someone was to mention saurekraut, my first reaction would be where is she at? yes, barefootfoodie, where are you?

But no, some bitch in the office gets to meet you face to face and blows you off like a second class citizen? I'm disgusted.

(ok, lots of sarcasm, but I do have a small girl crush..lol..)

CaJoh said...

I'm right with you when it comes to checking the stats always like to see who's reading. I never could tell if I had any followers until yesterday when I got my first (Yay!!!).

Living in Chicago, we don't see too many "Famous" people, so I'm not always aware when one is around. Perhaps that is the case for you as well.

Now… only to convince my wife who lampworks her own glass beads to give up her "babies".

CaJoh said...

You've inspired me to write about some of my encounters with "famous" people. I'll be sure to look for you whenever I'm at Chipotle.

Brooke said...

Dude. I love soup....except my soup is usually paired with some sort of giant, pork-and-cheese-filled sammich.

That woman was probably embarassed to have been caught reading your blog and was all star struck and flustered. I bet she cursed herself after you left for handling the encounter with her top-drawer, favorite blogger badly.

I make paintings. Interested in that? They're super vaginal and probably would work on the wall of a little girl's room, but still paintings. I can email you pictures.

kel said...

Loving the Oh Em Gee bit and really upset I didn't think of it first.

Tenakim said...

been there, done that, on the dentist thing- exact same thing with my son, but we got the root canal finally- thank GOD- no more copays... but not on real life people reading my blog, I think I would have gone into cardiac arrest!

Aria said...

People in customer service positions (or CS as those in the biz call it) whatever their field--that don't make eye contact SUCK. I would have totally caught the sauerkraut referrence and made you take a pic with me! I don't know about signing my boobs though--that might get creepy when I made you do it with a sharpie and refused to wash the signature area until it had achieved tattoo-like status... But, hey, that's just me.
Sorry I don't have anything for you to give away, I can't even come up with anything to sell on e-bay! But, you know, you could always say that you're giving away a totally free membership on My Blog (yeah, I know it's free) and gush about me... Ya Know, Just a thought...
As always, Britt, a great day to you, you're my blogger hero.
Ciao for now,
Aria

Cheryl said...

LOL, I agree with the soup people, and the salad fuckers too! Like come on who can survive on a salad?

I would immediately recognize you! Yeah I swear!

Threeboys1mommy said...

I would totally kill someone to meet you, ideally the receptionist with the colored socks w/Crocs.

And (☜ holla!) since you can't see me, I'll add that the whole talk to her mom on the cell phone, kissing babies, signing boobs paragraph was one continuos belly laugh muzzled my my right hand, so I wouldn't wake the boys. I love you Britt!

Ben Hameen said...

You want giveaway items? I have an Ohio State mini football helmet, though it's not in the packaging anymore (and I think you'd probably just keep it for yourself anyway). I also have an Auburn mini football helmet and an Illinois mini baseball helmet, both in the packaging. I also have a St. John's sweatsuit that's made for Andre the Giant - I don't know if you have any freaks of nature who would be eligible for said giveaways, but it's yours if you want it. Finally, I have a couple Notre Dame DVDs featuring a young college kid named Joe Montana: 1978 Cotton Bowl vs. Texas and 1979 Cotton Bowl vs. Houston.

H.E.Eigler said...

Yay for Canada! I'm so excited that you noticed me (it is me right? I mean, could there be other Canadians who come here? There are? well, I'm gonna think you meant me and be happy all day) so even though I haven't met you - I am completely stalkerish for you....happy now?

Allison said...

I loved the part about socks in the crocs (wait did i just make a rhyme?).

And what are the odds of you catching someone reading your blog! Pretty cool. Too bad she didn't seem to care that you were right there in front of her!

Sorry, I don't have anything for your giveaway, but I'll definitely be back for your giveaway event (and also to read your hilarious posts)!

Allison said...

In case you are wondering what I look like when I read your blog...I lean in closer and closer as the story picks up steam. I'm not blind or anything..who knows.

also, "So, I decided to randomly start talking about how I was sooo craving sauerkraut, hoping that would, like, spark something inside her to realize just who I was" made me snicker out loud.

The Mom said...

I can't say that I hoped to run into someone in V-town that said, "are YOU??!?" and I'm all "yes! so you read my blog?" and then they'd be all, "Alyssa Milano has a blog?" and I'm all "what the hell?"...

So I wonder if that girl made the connection? I'd go back and ask. LOL.

and SOUP or SALAD, total FOREfood, a teaser. ;)

Rachel said...

If I met you, I would freak out a little. The freak-out would first manifest itself in staring, which would become gradually more blatant. Then I would start to sweat a little (yeah right, I sweat like a whore in confession.) due to inner turmoil: "Should I say something? Don't celebs and snazzy folk always say they like to be left alone? Would I be invading her privacy? Is it possible to invade the privacy of someone who blogs about peeing her pants?"
Then I would get more and more nervous, because you seem like someone who should be my friend, and after all the familiarity and banter (via blog posts), it would just be such a letdown if all you did was toss your hair, sign my left asscheek, and flounce away.
In that situation, I'd have no choice but to waddle, pants around my ankles (no smudges allowed) to the nearest tattoo shop to get the sharpie signature traced and permanently inked. And then I would cry a little, because my ass would be sore and my tattoo would be somewhere I can't see it.

So all in all, I think it's better that we stay apart.

In other news, all I had in my house to eat for lunch today was some soup, and I'm still hungry.

Swirl Girl said...

Pretty much the best story ever...

I love the way you write - and I could go head to head with you in a conjunction starter contest....just sayin'

So- didja ever tell the office chick that this was you??

Jenni Jiggety said...

I have nothing to give away except my undying loyalty and devotion to you...

If you walked in while I was reading your blog, I would TOTALLY make you sit with me in front of my laptop while looking at your site and have some take pictures. And then I would sell those pictures of my blog and give you 10% of the profits. It'd be sweet...

Maleia - Senior Product Manager said...

I just want to say that soup CAN be a meal. Depending. And Panera? Their Broccoli Cheddar Soup in a bread bowl is about as comfort-foodish you can get.

Tuesday Girl said...

I sually am eating soup when I read your blog, but now I jsut found out I am a poser so........

Jenners said...

God you are funny! I would have absolutely DIE if I saw someone reading my blog like that...especially since I only have like 11 regular readers -- four of whom I know.

I have zero contacts for a giveaway but I'm willing to whore out my time and comment for 30 days straight at the winner's blog. For what that is worth...which is pretty much nothing.

You so rock! And don't tell anyone, but you are my favorite blog right now.

Rachel said...

So here I sit eating SOUP. but not any soup, not watery baby wimp soup. This is hearty ass thick filling homemade potato soup with bacon and cheese and green onions so ;-p

Anyhooooooo... You were way more restrained than I, I probably would have said something dorkish like, "So what do you think of what I wrote today?" or something equally nerdish.

yup that's me, a soup eating nerd :-) LOL.

I don't make anything other than kids and food and you can't really give those away on here...

Mariah said...

I would have walked right up to the girl and confronted her, that's what I did when I caught my mom reading my old Blog.

For your giveaway, I have used vibrators that no longer turn me on since I invested in the "bunny"

April said...

oh, i would so NOT be able to contain myself if i saw someone reading my blog. unless it was the big black cock post. then i might hide my face.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

That is freakin' hilarious. I would have hung out in my car if someone was doing that ;)

Tiffiney said...

Now see that is just insane..I would have jumped right over that counter and got a picture with you!! :) Great post as always!

Have a great turkey day!! :)

Laura said...

Are you kidding me? She didn't even notice that you look like, well um, you in all your pics??!!
If I walked into my dentist office and you were there, I'd totally whip out my post-lactation saggers, pull them off the floor so you could sign. Then we talk about your blog, your kids, my kids, and we'd start laughing, and then peeing, because we've had babies and nothing works anymore... but it would still be really cool and really fun. ;)

Jon @ DadCentral said...

umm... in your list of exotic places your readers are from, you left off the UK, United Kingdom..lovely little island off France..totally exotic.

(note my over use of ellipses in your honor).

flickrlovr said...

THAT IS SO COOL! What an idiot that she didn't recognize you and take your picture and get all giddy and stuff. Dude. I totally would have. You know it.

And I wish I had stuff to give away...but um, I don't.
So I'll just sit here and pine over the stuff that people cooler than me will probably win. You're so secretive, Britt. You'll killing me!

Temple said...

I bet that is EXACTLY how Angelina and Brad feel...were there any paparazzi waiting?

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Oh my God, I can't believe you caught someone reading your blog! That's so rad. I don't have anything you can give away on your blog, but I thought I would let you know that I read your blog while clutching my right breast and chewing on my lip.

Just so you know.

Brandy said...

That had to feel gret to see someone reading your blog! I swaer I check this blog every single day and I have to admit am a bit disappointed when I see that a new post hasn't been made. I LOVE READINT THEM!!! Keep up the great work Brit. YOU'RE FABULOUS!!!

Brandy said...

I also must say that I feel pretty darn lucky to actually KNOW YOU and if I ran into you I would totally gush about your blog.Next time I'm in Cornfest area I'll be sure to say hi (if I see ya!)

LuckyMe said...

I can't believe you didn't OUT yourself!!!! I'd be so mad if I missed out on a chance to meet you. But she reads your blog so now she knows and the next time you come in with hubby, she'll be falling all over herself?

I feel like I don't even know anyone IRL who reads blogs, let alone someone who would be reading MY blog. That means you've MADE IT in the blogosphere, right? Well that and getting on TV for blogging.

jill jill bo bill said...

I had something almost exactly like that happen to me except not really like that on the cruise I just went on. You and I should never travel together because we talk alike and I would wet my pants constantly. Okay, I say let's do it. Travel with me somewhere. I will bring cake.

Momisodes said...

I'm guilty of souping at Panera. But it's quickly followed up with a sprint to the bakery counter.

Jo-Jo said...

Yeah I would have totally said...I saw that blog you were reading...humm...think we have anything in common? Or something. I couldn't be modest of course my own family doesn't read my blog...wait...I am glad they don't.

Jennifer said...

Do you think she's figured it out yet? And, you know, she totally could NOT tell her co-workers, since she's supposed to be WORKING!!! Oh well. You can sign my boobs anytime!

Emily said...

I hope my sister doesn't mind if I bring her son to you, so you can kiss him.

You should have said something to that girl!!

Emily said...

Did my comment go through?
Stupid F-ing Blogger.

Heather said...

Soup is just a course.

I introduced myself to a photographer once, and he said he'd heard of me. That was my one and only brush with fame.

Lamb said...

this girl better post a comment!!

Gwen said...

I would have totally died, just plain died if I saw someone reading my blog in a random place like the dentists office! Crazy!

Aria said...

Just wanted to let you know, Brittany-Blogger-Goddess that you have three awards waiting for you on my blog...
http://ariazink.blogspot.com

Congrats!

Asianmommy said...

I wouldn't have been able to resist asking her if she liked the blog.

Miss Yvonne said...

Oh man, that dentist's office lady is going to totally crap herself on Monday when she gets to work and reads ABOUT HERSELF.

I don't know how she didn't realize it was you. Cuz I totally look for you everywhere in crowds, and I live in Texas....so ummm, yeah. Not likely to find you.

HeyJoe said...

We are truly our own #1 fans.

Anissa Mayhew said...

When she figures out who you are and that she actually had you in groping range, she's going to just die....DIE! Much like I will when we squeal and freak right the hell out the first time we see each other in July...because I full on plan to wear my "I spent the weekend with the Barefoot Foodie and this tshirt was all I got" on the front and "she's knocked up again, tho" written on the back.

Ohmahgod I can't stand it!

Oh btw, I LIKE soup!

LiteralDan said...

I don't know what I would do if that happened to me, but it would be the highlight of my month, at least.

Maybe if I started upping the Awesome Factor of my posts towards your level, it would help my chances. You are a force of nature!

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

What a story. I wonder if she will realize that you are talking about her when she reads this post.

And how weird. I doubt that will ever happen to me but it seems so spooky. Go you famous blogger you.

CaJoh said...

Ok, after some pondering I may know why she didn't say anything.

Perhaps she wasn't supposed to be using her computer for anything other than "business related" stuff and was afraid that "Big Brother" was watching and would kick her crocs&sox to the curb.

I would think that if this is the case, you will get a secret note handed to you the next time you sign you bill… makes me wonder what she'll say.

Beadiful Things said...

That's gotta be the coolest thing! I have seen women wearing my jewelry and that's pretty darn cool too.

Sara said...

I so want to be famous just like you!

Sara

Carolyn...Online said...

I am going to march up to you at Blogher in chicago and give you sauerkraut to make you feel special. And then I'll squeal. But you can't sign my boobs. I've gotta draw the line somewhere.