Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bring on the hate.

I am gonna write about Walmart. GASP! Now I know there are a lot of Walmart haters out there, and you can fling all the anti-union propaganda at me that ya want. I take a lot of crap shopping there, and I am tired of backing up my decision with basic facts about capitalism and American commerce. Because, the fact is, for me and the people in my village (YES, I said village, we aren't quite a town, so suck it), it's a way of life. I can go there with my list in hand, no matter how crazy it is, and know that I will leave with everything (and probably more) that I came for. It's for that sole reason, I am able to look past Walmart's flaws, and shop there with a clear conscious and a twinkle in my eye.

20 rag tag boyscouts greeting me at the entrance trying to coax me into $50 cheese popcorn in a lame ass tin. Sure, why not (adding dental floss to the list).

Stuck behind the 400 pounder in the motorized Walmart scooter, with a baby in the basket, and clearly no visible medical condition besides morbid obesity, screaming at the gaggle of small shoeless children around her to stop hollerin' and pick out a pot pie flavor already. No problem, happens all the time (remembering to stock up on Lean Cuisines and condoms).

The 14 year old pregnant with her second (?) child teenager in front of me in line, arguing with the cashier that her WIC coupons should cover her Red Bull, while her toddler screams at the top of her lungs for a Pepsi out of the cooler next to her. Why not, I am sure she has a valid reason to NEED Red Bull and why her 2 year old is a caffiene junkie (We got condoms, right?).

In all fairness, I will stop going to Walmart, when you find me a store close to me where I can find everything on this list...

Deck Stain
A fishing License
A blow horn
A Tractor
Cold Beer
A Whale Harpoon
Ground Turkey
Steel Toe Boots
24 pack of underwear
A Gerbil
Miley Cyrus Perfume
A Picnic Table
King Size Camouflage Bed in a Bag

PLUS get a photo turned into a fancy blanket, get new tires put on, get a flu shot, pick up my Xanax perscription, get a duplicate key made, get my hair did, my eyes and ears tested, my taxes done, AND try and win a gigantic koosh ball out of the claw machine on the way out.

I think I've made my point.

1 comment:

nov22 said...

When you become a town, you can get TWO wal-marts, like Findlay. And one is more expensive than the other...

They're building a WM in the 'burg. I love me some Meijer though. Meijer has only failed me once: boxing gloves.