Living in a Uri Nation (Get it? It's a pun.)

Something in my house smells like cat pee right now. I just walked through the door, and I almost threw up.

And this is odd, because, I don't have a cat. I don't even like cats. Ya know that website with pictures of cats with jacked up grammatical errors, talking about "cheezburgers" (Update: icanhascheezbugers.com, visit if you must, but don't email any of that shit telling me it made you ROTFL. I will not be LMFAO, I promise you.)? Well, I looked at it, I saw the kittens, and I STILL don't like cats. My neighbors have a couple (like 30) but surprisingly, the stench that is their ammonia-saturated living quarters has yet to find it's way over to my yard.

So, I am not sure where this smell is coming from. Pug is useless in tracking the odor. USELESS! I keep trying to get him to pick up the scent, but he just snorts at me and refuses to get up off the couch. Plus, I swear I saw him give me the finger in the reflection of the TV. Whatever Pug.

So, I have spent the better part of an hour sniffing things. Clothes, carpet, dirty dishes, kids, pug, couches. No such luck. I just called my mom to see if she could come over and sniff things, but she got mad I woke her up at 11:30 to go on some crazy cat pee witch hunt and hung up on me. Whatever mom.

I remember watching an infomercial about how cat pee glows under black light...but I have been without black light since I stopped listening to Bob Marley, and sold my bong (did I really just type that out loud?!).

This is ridiculous. I would light a candle, but then it would just smell like mandarin oranges and cat pee...and that can't be good.

I hope some sneaky ninja cat from next door didn't weasel it's way in here somehow and pee on our new carpets. I bet that is what happened, I mean, it seems to be the most rational explanation I can come up with right now, at 12am.

Which is why, in this rational mindset, I am waking the boys up to run to Walmart and get a black light...and ice cream...and maybe a Bob Marley CD.