Friday, April 25, 2008

Hey Ebay Seller Piratehooker420!

Put down your Nintendo controller and ship my new cell phone, ya douche bag! I am sure you are riiggghhhtt in the middle of a kick ass game of Duckhunt (The kids still play that, right? I am so out of touch), but I paid you a week ago, and my current cell phone is ready for it's ride out to the farm, if you know what I am saying.

I am now officially ashamed to pull my cell phone out in public. It's been submerged in a bathtub, a baby pool, and the washing machine. It's been chewed on, slobbered on, and run over by a power wheel. It is now a sorry shell of it's former shiny self, who, thanks to grimly little monster fingers, only stays on speaker mode, and is being held together by masking tape after a tune up gone awry...never trust your phone to a 2 foot "phone expert" who speaks toddler gibberish, has Cheetos all over his face and wears pampers.

And, any wireless companies reading this, looking for someone to sponsor, I am your girl! I can put your so called "toughest" phone through all the paces. If it survives a month with me, I'll tattoo your brand on my forehead***.

***Ok, I won't really tattoo it on my forehead, but I will tell all my mom friends about it, and maybe wear a sticker of some sort, but a tattoo is out of the question...for now...unless you get me drunk in Panama City or something, because then, who knows!

No comments: