Monday, June 16, 2008

The Fab Five

No, this isn't an episode of Friends, where we all sit around at the Central Perk, drinking from huge mugs and hashing out our lists, trying to out pop culture reference each other with long winded banter (Could this conversation be any more irrelevant?).

Nope. This is just pretty much the list of the five guys I am allowed to sleep with without compromising my marriage. I feel the need to re-clarify this list publicly, since my hubby felt the need to reiterate 12 times how hot the blond skinny girl from National Treasure 2 was. He was lucky it was Fathers Day,and putting out is mandatory...I mean, not with your dad...but if you are married to a dad...who is not a blood relative...yeah.

Moving on.

#1 Jason Bateman

Poor man's Michael J. Fox, my ass. Jason Bateman is a jerk, a douche bag, a wise ass, and my soul mate. We would definitely have sex on a stolen leather office chair, after a big bowl of hot ham water and frozen chocolate dipped bananas.


#2 Al Gore

Ahh yes, the man who should be president. I carried an Al Gore folder around my entire senior year of high school. What could be more of a turn on than the man who revolutionized our technological lives with the internet, and will go on to single handedly save the planet? Five minutes in a room with just me, him, a laser pointer, power point, and a globe, and he'd be all like, Tipper who?


#3 Bill Murray

Yes, I realize there is a bit of an age difference here, but fact is, the man makes me laugh. He's like the creepy older uncle who tries to look down your shirt at Christmas parties, and you try and act all disgusted, but really, you would totally make out with him if he wasn't your uncle...and you weren't stuck sitting on your grandma's davenport that smells like ham. Either way, he's funny, complex and somewhat mysterious. Plus, I am pretty sure he's met the Dalai Lama, and what's not cool about that?

#4 James Spader

Not Pretty in Pink James Spader, or, gag, Mannequin James Spader. I am talking about Secretary James Spader. Only the hottest not quite a porn film ever! I would totally take his dictation (cue rimshot).


#5 Mike Rowe

Wait, who's Mike Rowe? Ah yes, the Dirty Jobs guy. He could be covered in monkey poop, owl vomit, raw sewage and shoulder deep in a cow butt, and I would still be all over him. I love a man with dirty finger nails and knee high rubber boots that smells like feces.

Spill it, who is on your list?

33 comments:

Not Just Any Jen said...

Hmmm. Your list is....interesting. Very unique.

I may have to think this one through, but #1 is a no brainer, Leo.
I'll get back to you.

Brittany said...

OMG Jen, I should have prefaced this post with the fact that I am a total weirdo:) Please don't hold it against me!

Not Just Any Jen said...

Yes, I was coming back to comment that I can see why your husband allows you this, um, pleasure. Hehe.

Not Just Any Jen said...

Here is my list.
Leo D
Johnny Knoxville
Mark Walberg
Josh Holloway
Ryan Stacik (of Umphrey's Mcgee)

The Mom said...

Oh My GOD, i'm laughing SO hard! Al Gore...."Tipper Who?" And...Bill Murray as the creepy uncle! You are too much, why did it take me this long to find you??!!

Natalie said...

yeah...someone asked me this question once, but it was phrased this way. who is on your bucket list? (meaning who do you want to do before you kick the bucket) and the first two people who came to mind...

jodie foster and mary stuart masterson.

and then i thought...wait...guys...i am supposed to be picking guys. cracked my up!

lamb said...

i wrote bill murray in the 7th grade to tell him he was awesome.

he never wrote me back.

ley said...

I used to know Bill Murray's niece. Which is random, and doesn't really help you out with checking him off your list. Sorry.

My list includes guys like Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. And Alan Rickman. So either I have a daddy complex, or I get off on the excitement of not know whether or not he's going to break a hip.

schwartz said...

I love you for a few main reasons.
1. Hot Ham Water (just like mother used to make!)
2. You use the word davenport. Reminds me of my grandma. Best word ever.
3. Mike Rowe. Y.U.M. I love watching Deadliest Catch just so I can hear his voice for an hour. Sexy sexy man.
4. Jason Bateman. We may have to fight over him if he ever makes it to NW OH. Or just have a 3 some or take turns with him.

Judy @ No Fear Entertaining said...

You had me so lost until you got to Mike Rowe. I agree totally...something about the being covered in shit, and still smiling and making me laugh!

Brittany said...

Jen...Oh yum, Johnny Knoxville may just have to be one of my understudies, and I googled Ryan Stacik...and yeah, any guy with a guitar/bass in his hands does me in everytime.

mom...I don't know, but I am glad you are still here:)

Natalie...HAHAHAHAHA! Ya know, I am pretty sure Jodi Foster may be a possibility for you:) i think my girl crush would be Rachel McAdams....then we could be both best friends and lovers:)

Lamb...I can't believe he didn't write you back, that is so unlike him.

Ley..should the situation arise that you hang out with Mr. Murray's niece, and he happens to show up, then please help a girl out:) Oh, and Alan Rickman was totally hot in Love Actually.

Schwartz...Uh, Deadliest Catch, I know...Oh, and the Ford commercials!

Judy...I know, he is just dreamy. Dirty and dreamy.

Shelly... said...

The laminated list! My hubby and I each have one. I would most certainly have James Spader on my list, so we would have to fight over him (or share??) but you can have the rest on your list all to yourself!

ali said...

Okay, I'm gonna have to fight you for Mike Rowe! Fridays: hubby at work, kids at grandparents house, Dirty Jobs marathon on TV. Perfect.

Tip Junkie said...

Great post, I am cracking up. I'm going to have to think about my 5. hmm. Also, I adore your header!

Sarah said...

I think the last choice is bar far the best. I love a man not afraid to get dirty in bed.

Laura said...

Sorry, Mike row is busy rolling around in the pig poop here with me.

Jill P. said...

Wow, first time I clicked on your site and I love ya already. Everyone thinks I am completely crazy for having Mike Rowe on MY list. So glad that you understand his amazing hottness, he just makes me soooo want to play dirty!!

Dejoni said...

I love your site...glad you found mine so I could see yours! I think we are kindred spirits. My husband and I do the same thing.
My list is as follows:
1. Matt Lauer
2. Matthew McCounaghy
3. Brad Pitt
4. Pierce Brosnan-love the accent
5. Matt Lauer-again
If he's on my list twice, do I get to do him twice?

His list is nothing but Ho's...imagine that.

jen said...

OMG - totally Mike Rowe.... and for some odd reason Tommy Lee Jones - call me crazy!

Brittany said...

Shelly...OMG your list is laminated?! Good idea!!! And I would totally share James, he seems a little freaky, and I, myself, and believe all good things should be shared.

Ali...I had no idea so many lusted over my gorgeous Mike!? But, what's not to love, he's built, hilarious, and dirrty:)

Tip...Thanks! And come back soon and spill 'em, I love comparing notes:)

Sarah...Truer words were never spoken!

Laura...NO FAIR! I forgot you had pigs, this makes you my automatic competition for his attention:)

Jill...Welcome sweets, and I love having you! OMG we should think up a drinking game, and everyone take a shot for each time they fantasize about Mike getting dirty!

Dejoni...I agree my barefoot sister, and oh yum...Matthew McCounaghy! My hubby's list is also chock full of stick figures with plastic boobs....go figure:)

Jen...I am in NO place to judge anyone's list my darling, so you should feel free to have all the crazy old man sex you want with Mr. Tommy Lee Jones!

lamb said...

dip the fries in ranch!!!

Brittany said...

lamb....at first I was all like, damn girl, that's so kinky, and then I remembered....Oooohhhh, the sweet potato fires:)

Sandy C. said...

OMG! This post is genius! You had me cracking up from the beginning :) If I had to make a list, it would definitely include these 3:

John Mayer
Jordan Knight
Michael Buble

....me thinks I should have married a musician ;)

Brunette said...

Bill Murray? That one I might need to think on. James and Jason, oh me, oh my - those two I can see. Hope you enjoy! I did a laminated list back a few months ago - I will always have Gerard Butler on mine. He makes me melt!

Not Just Any Jen said...

Okay, my tweaked list is up.

Brittany said...

Best post ever.
The secretary is an awesome move to watch with your signifigant other and then have crazy nookie. God that movie is HOT.
Heres my list (all couples should have this) in no particular order:

1. Justin Timberlake. Something tells me the guy is flexible and can go all night.

2. Clint Eastwood circa 1965. I don't think girls of our generation realize how sexy he was before he got all "leather bag" face.

3. Ryan Gosling- cuz he kind of looks like my husband....only hotter.

4. Ron Livingston- he has the cutest eye brows I have ever seen

5. Brad Pitt- because if the chance ever presented itself, I'd be so pissed if wasn't on my list

That was fun.
Now I'm horny.

Marie said...

Found your blog after you left a comment on mine (thanks by the way!). Hmmm mine would actually be two main men...Christian Bale (hubba, hubba) and John Cusak (he's such a cutey!).

Brittany said...

Sandy...Oh swoon, Michael Buble...I hear you on the musician thing, so sexy.

Brunette...I know, I am catching lots of Bill Murray crap, but there is just something about that old man:)

Jen...Your list rocks!

Brittany...I have determined we are twins, with the same sweet ass name. I am always in the mood for some spanking and note taking after I watch the Secretary! And Ryan Gosling is hot, he may have to be one of my alternates.

Marie...Hi! Oh damn, my list keeps growing! John Cusak is definitely my #6!

Rebecca said...

Swoon... about Mike Rowe...

(Just sayin'.)

Kerith Collins said...

gonna have to go with mike rowe...mmmmmmmmmmm....dirty smelly hot guy..........mmmmmmmmmmmm.......oh...sorry...got carried away

Emiline said...

It's so watery...with a smack of ham.

Brittany said...

Emiline...Ummm...did you just say "It's so watery...with a smack of ham?" By golly, I think I adore you, you obviously have superb taste in television, and by the looks of your blog, equally excellent taste in food. I gained 10 pounds just reading it!

Jo-Jo said...

Glad to see that my hubby and I aren't the only ones that have this list! My list is mostly based on pure sexual appeal...Johnny Depp....talk about hunka hunka. Matthew Mcconaughey...I love that chest and that accent, Garth Brooks, cause he could just sing and I would have the big "O" and Michael Phelps. He is a bit younger but just watching him swim make me want to get wet! (Oh come on now, that was funny!)