Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Pubic Enemy Number One

I am a pretty level headed person, most things don't get to me.

That statement is not true. Actually, I think I have the most un-level head one can have. Both figuratively and literally...hats have never sat quite right on my head, seems things slant a bit to the right.

Anyways.

In truth, most things upset me, causing me to have mini curse filled verbal arguments inside my head, while the outside of me remains calm and cool, except for the random "HA!" that escapes out at the end of my inner explosion, while I am doing something totally mundane like stirring a pitcher of lemonade, helping an elderly person across the street, or sitting on the toilet.

Lots of things can set me off into a verbal inner rampage, but few things get me as pissed off as captcha.

Captcha.

cpu9jm

cpu9jrn

cpv9jm?

FUCK!

Fuck you captcha. Fuck you and the fucking letter number combo horse you rode the fuck in on.

I have shit to do. I don't have time to play your fucking game of overlapping, vaguely legible letters and numbers when all I wanted to say was "Hey, great post, I'll never look at a turkey baster the same way again. Peace."

But, no. I can't. I can't because you are obsessed with the possibility that I might be a black market erection pill peddler. I can't because your squiggly letters make no sense to me, mostly because I am not on acid, and I am pretty sure that's not even a letter, but rather, a sideways 5.

Oh, and what is with the subliminal almost words, captcha.

shep3balz

I was an English major, and that, my friends, totally says sheep balls.

Nice try, captcha. Nice try.

47 comments:

Angi said...

Hi there, stumbled across your blog through, I'm sure, about a thousand other blogs...but either way -

SO funny. I HATE captchas too, they annoy me like none other.

You're a hysterical chick, keep up the great blogging, I'll be back! :-)

Melissa said...

Brittany,

I just wanted you to know that I discovered your blog 2 days ago and have since read your wonderful blogging all the way from today's post back to May 13th. I'm addicted! Thank you for saving me from the boredom of waiting for my second-born to arrive (6 more long weeks).

And I can't wait to try a few of your recipes (I already bought the ingredients for Buffalo Chicken Pizza for tomorrow night).

Sincerely,
Melissa

AJ said...

Lowercase 'q' versus 'g' gets me everytime.

Mary said...

OMG, you are so right, so very, very right! I thought it was just me, something was wrong with me that I couldn't read the damned thing. Captcha gave me a complex! Thanks so much for clearing that up!

Dejoni said...

I hate this...drives me nuts. I'm getting where my eyehsight sucks anyway...and I'm squinting and going "WTF?"

Not Just Any Jen said...

Yes, so annoying. Thanks for getting it off your chest.I think it made several of us feel better.

Love the comment about the turkey baster. Once in college, my mom sent one to me in a care package. I never quite knew what she was implying.

Not Just Any Jen said...

Oh, and thanks for not having captcha on your blog. Makes it easier to visit and comment, but I am sure you already knew this.
Jen

Natalie said...

i am the same way with captcha. and i didn't even realize it had a name until a couple of days ago when i ran across another post about it. i never know for sure what they are trying to tell me with those words!

Fiesty Charlie said...

You crack me up....

Thanks for the giggle... DAMN I needed one this morning!

J.Danger said...

ohhh I hate Captchas! Especially when I KNOW that I got it right but it still tells me I'm stupid!

Damn captcha!

-J.Danger

ali said...

So that's what those things are called! I especially hate the ones with lines through them.

Mekhismom said...

Once again you have hit the nail on the head again! I was thinking about doing a post on captcha myself - you beat me to the punch.

Jennifer said...

OMG I hate those awful things! I don't even want to think about how many minutes/hours? of my life I've wasted trying to figure those stupid things out. I hope I don't have it on my blog--I don't think I do? Better make sure!

P.S. I look terrible in hats and I'm jealous of people who look good in them.

HappyHourSue said...

LMAO! I didn't know those things had a name. Don't you feel like a total retard when it rejects your answer?

The Mom said...

I'm happy to say i just took this off my blog comments because I hated doing it elsewhere!

Shannon said...

Hi! I stumbled across your blog just in time for your eye brow saga. I had tears streaming down my face it was so funny, and now I'm hooked! I can't wait to see what you come up with each day.

As for the captchas - I hate them. They are usually the reason for me NOT commenting on anything becuase I know the stupid "word" will add at least 5 minutes of frustration! Thanks again for the post - I love it...and the blog too!

Jo-Jo said...

Finally, someone to speak out against the evil captcha! It always takes me more then one try and the evil captcha looks at me accusingly as if I am a "black market erection pill peddler!"

LiteralDan said...

This is another great post-- you are at the top of your game.

And what you say is so true-- I don't like the font they use. Gimme some serifs so I can separate the wheat from the chaff and get on with my life!

How can those poor black market erection pill peddlers ever expect to make their zombie machines get past these if even people can't read them?

Swirl Girl said...

Amen to that . I don't even know what it is or if I have one, but I don't want to piss you off! (kidding - I know what they are but don't truly don't know if I have one)

are these like vanity plates?? are they case sensitive? Just when I leave a worthy comment, I and hit send, I have to figure these out. Adds too much time to my daily bloggy limit.

Shannon said...

Ha - I love that you titled it "Pubic" and not "Public!" LOL =)

Mom Taxi Julie said...

LMAO

Average Girl In Average World said...

I am addicted to you now.....

Perfect attitude for a perfect post!!! Your my kind a girl.

Dejoni said...

It's me again. I just got off this site and I swear I was on there twenty minutes typing stupid sheepball words...
After awhile, I started just messing up on purpose to see how many dirty words I could get.
I think I'm a little warped.

Sandy C. said...

Amen! I swear I'm dyslexic every time I try to make out Captcha.

I totally see 3 sheep balls.

Brittany said...

Angi...Welcome sweetie! I do hope to see you back!

Melissa...First off, welcome, secondly, I hope to write something thoroughly disgusting in six more weeks to shock the baby out of you, and lastly, PLEASE let me know how you like the pizza. I find it to die for, and love hearing feedback!

AJ...I KNOW! They don't put enough of a tail on the g's to distinguish!

Mary...Oh no, it's not you, it's belittling and leaves me feeling like a moron.

dejoni...I hear ya, it gives me a migraine.

Jen...Honestly, I JUST took it off before this post. I had it on by default, and quickly learned the error of my ways!

Natalie...It is all a subliminal conspiracy...big brother is everywhere!

Charlie...I am always there for you hun!

Danger...Yeah, captcha is a dirty whore.

Ali...oh yes, the mother of all captcha! Like it's not hard enough to read, let's just ad a line.

Mekhis mom...HAHA! Well feel free, i think the word needs to get out, and it should be abolished!

Jennifer...I am jealous of hat wearers too...I think it's pretty prejudice the hat industry only caters to level headed people.

Sue...Um, yes! I can spell, I just can't spell made up words!

Jen...ME TOO!!!!!!!

Shannon...Thank yo so much! I love reading comments like yours! You made me tear up!

JoJo...One voice, sweetie, one voice. We need to band together on this.

Dan...Bwahahaha! you are hilarious, and thanks, it's so lovely to have an outlet for my sick humor:) And, really, who buys their erection pills off the black market? The pharmacy gives legit ones out like candy, why risk taking a pill that's probably made of eel poop and monkey tongue?

Swirl...I love typing swirl...it's so fun! I wish it were like a vanity plate, because then I would have one that says "SO COOL" like from Adventures in Babysitting!

Shannon. I SWEAR TO GOD I had no idea I did that, I thought it said public!!! OMG! I would change it, but it seems even my ad network picked it up...so I'll leave it, but that is hilarious!

Average Girl...Oh that's awesome! I love being addictive!

Dejoni...Are you trying to out potty mouth me? I think we are twins!

Sandy...Thank you, I am totally sticking to my sheep balls theory.

HeatherW said...

Ohhhh I am so with you on that one!! Sometimes I want to kick that "word" in the stomach and toss it in the ocean!!

I am level headed too? Can't you see? :)

ud said...

oh no kidding, and also I hate the blogger windows (yours isn't one of the offenders) that don't give me the option to just leave my name/url - NO I DON'T HAVE NOR WANT A GOOGLE ACCOUNT ASSOCIATED WITH MY COMMENTS! But yes, Captain Captcha makes me want to punch the screen with every effort too...

Rachel said...

Lol -- amen! I hate captcha, even though I had it on my blog. But, thanks to your powers of blog persuassion, I have removed it.

Thanks for another humorous post!

HRH said...

I hate to break it to you. I will try gently...

We may be sharing the same brain.

kel said...

Okay. You have convinced me to take it off my comment section. Now if only I could remember how....

Brittany said...

I'm tagging you, yes YOU with the lovely name for a music meme. Check my blog for details.

Laura said...

Yep. That's it. I'd like to request a pocket Brittany. When I'm having a shitty day, pull you out of my pocket, and you'll tell me this completely random and hilarious story and the day will no longer be shitty.

Melissa said...

The Buffalo Chicken Pizza was delicious!!! I followed your recipe exactly and it's a keeper. My husband ate half of it by himself :)

Thanks!
Melissa

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

It took me a few minutes to figure this out lol...now I get it

threeboys1mommy said...

(look left, look right) Where's the foodie? I was promised a foodie!

Emiline said...

Fuck captchas! I hate them! Sometimes it will take me 4-5 times to get it right.
Do you have a Facebook? They're even worse on Facebook.

Michelle Willingham said...

Lord have mercy, that is SO TRUE.

I hate Captcha. It is evil and must be destroyed. And the perfect living hell for spammers would be to have to input captcha for hours and hours without end. :)

Gwen said...

Gah, I have the same problem. I thought surely I was the only completely capable person who couldn't get this right!?!? SO glad to find out I'm not.

beth - total mom haircut said...

I swear these things try to send me subliminal messages so often. And the ones I particularly hate are those that, when you look down at them, they are like 10 characters long. I have to sit there and look back and forth 4 times to get the whole thing written out, and then, of course, I mistook the little "u" for a little "v" and am totally screwed!

J.Danger said...

I know! I'm the worst.


I was busy?

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

*Stands up clapping* BRAVO and I agree 100%!!

Bethany said...

LMAO! I am so glad that I've stumbled upon your blog recently! And I feel your pain.... Why do people do that on myspace, too? Seriously, I'm not a hacker!

Asianmommy said...

Hilarious! I feel the same way!

JennDZ - The Leftover Queen said...

Yeah, they are tough sometimes! I have issues typing to begin with and these don't make it any easier!

IRISHKAT said...

AMEN!!! I so hate those things. Then there are the ones that want you to do a math problem AFTER all that typing. Too much frickin work!

Raging Dad said...

Too fecking funny. I hate those things too. Ever try to figure one out on your mobile web browser. Good luck.

flickrlovr said...

I AGREE. Captchas suck azz. Fo reals. Everytime I see one, I feel like screaming. I wish it had voice recognition: "NO I'M NOT AN F'ING ROBOT. I AM HUMAN." Gawd they're awful.

Has there ever been a day when you HAVEN'T been funny?!? Like, really? Um, probably not. And that's why I love you. And I also am pissed that I've fallen behind in my blog readings (I missed like 4 new posts of yours because I don't have a 'puter readily available). So I'm sad. Wah.

P.S. You so rocked that guest post! 23 comments darlin'...for YOU! Woot woot. Although, ok, there are like 47,000 on this post alone (bwahaha). But still. Even though it wasn't really for ME, my chest still puffed up with pride at that most-commented on post of yours. Like a proud mama, I am. Thank you.