Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Among the living.

I am still here, and I want to write more, but my ability to sit upright and focus on my 52 inch computer monitor (yes for real, my husband feels WoW is best viewed in life size) has been compromised by the bile and undigested saltine crackers that keep creeping back up my esophagus.

But, know that I am seriously reading your comments, although it is hard to reply in a timely fashion. I am also reading your blogs, even though some of you whores insist on using captcha, and it's making me vomit even more out of frustration and inability to discern a p from the number 9.

I would say something cheesy here, about keeping me in your thoughts and prayers, or some bullshit, but honestly, it's just vomit, could be a tapeworm, totally not a serious as rabies or starving children...plus Jesus gets pissed when I ask for petty shit...like the time I prayed to get the part of Robin Hood in my 5th grade play, and I made a point to do it in the name of feminism (dude, Sandy Duncan totally played Peter Pan in the 70's), only on the day of the play, I forgot and showed up in a pink dress and butterfly tights instead of my Robin Hood costume and my teacher was furious...plus my wooden sword gave me a run in my tights and my mom was pissed. And then Jesus was all...what the crap was that?! And I was all...duuude, I know, I totally dropped the ball on that one. And he got all...we need to talk about priorities. But I was all...totally, but I have shit to do right now, sooo..

Anyways, I'll be back in full force soon, maybe tonight, probably tomorrow.

I swear.

P.S. I also just want to remind you all to have your cellphones ready for when I text you all my pregnancy results via text message at 3am. Thanks.

53 comments:

Average Girl In Average World said...

poor thing, up for days throwing up. Who held your hair? Who rubbed your back? Let me guess....you did!!!!

I really do hope you feel better. Puking sucks.

Threeboys1mommy said...

I know your sick, so your friendly neighborhood editor is here to offer her services.
-keeping MY in your thought, should read keeping ME

When your talking to J.C
I and I was all... duuuude should read and I was all

Always here to help.... unless of course that was your way of illustrating how truly sick you are. If so, Genius Britt. Genius.

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

You are so pregnant. That ain't no tapeworm, that's morning sickness.

Feel better and tell Jesus that if it isn't morning sickness and really is a tapeworm that you will ask him for petty shit all the time.

kel said...

Puking does suck, but there is a bright side. You can eat whatever you want, and, no problem! Calories don't count, b/c it'll come back up anyway. See? There is a bright side to all this.....

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Hope you get better soon--stomach flus SUCK!

ali said...

I'm considering getting rid of my captcha for you Brittany but the second I get a request to visit a florist's blog in Burma I'm sending her your way!

ali said...

Oh, and you are in my thoughts and prayers:)

AJ said...

That sucks. Sorry you're not feeling better yet. Totally is making us all suspect pregnancy though...and a girl at that. They're sassy, and like to start things off rough to prove they mean business:)

Elizabeth said...

Ugh, a tapeworm - that sounds serious. I say, it's time to call in Jesus, no - you need GOD. Bypass Jesus completely for this one! I mean, honestly, he's the only one who can really beat the crap out of that tapeworm! Hope you feel better!

Bethany said...

ewww puking is so not fun. I hope you feel better soon... unless you get 2 pink lines (or you got all hi-tech and got the one that says your pregnant/not pregnant) which, is kinda what I'm thinking.... your vajay-jay said she's been busy ;)

Carolyn...Online said...

Are you trying to lose your post-pregnancy weight pre-pregnancy?

Jennifer said...

Tapeworm? What a nightmare! My cell phone is on and ready for your vice president--I mean, pregnancy test results!

Sra said...

I despise captcha. Most people don't get enough comments to make it worthwhile having captcha anyway. How hard is it to just delete the infrequent spam comment anyway?

Carrie said...

Dear Brittany,

Since I've begun reading your blog a few days ago, I've learned a lot about your bodily functions. I am waiting with baited breath for a diarrhea story, unless you've already posted one.

p.s. Not sure the prayers would work anyway. I'm pretty sure you're going to hell for talking smack to Jesus...

Rachel said...

Ugh -- I hate captcha and puking. Sorry you're having to deal with both!

Amanda said...

ok at this point I sure hope it wasn't the taco's that are making you sick, you'd have some kind of lawsuit on that one!! =)

Laura said...

This is Jesus showing you what happens when you keep pregnant test results from me. Spill the beans and you'll stop vomitting. I promise.

Dejoni said...

I'm already knitting baby booties...you are SO pregnant.
So glad it's you and not me.
LOL!

Jo-Jo said...

I would totally wait up until 3am to hear you prego results...I am up anyway and would enjoy the text waking my hubby up as well so I can and over whatever child is currently causing my lack of sleep! Oh wait, this was about you not me...Hope you feel better!

samsmom said...

I just popped over from MBC. Your post is hilarious!! Made me laugh out loud :). I'll be interested to see your results :)

Slick said...

Just don't leave chunks in the carpet..

Hope you get to feeling better!

JenniBeanV said...

Oy! Sorry about the vomiting pregnant tapeworm you've got going on there! Feel better soon!

Love, Jenni

ps: I don't have captcha because I like to live dangerously, yo.

pss: Jesus is so bossy, isn't He?

Sandy C. said...

Dude, I see 2 pink lines in your future.

Can you send me some fertile vibes? Just leave out the vomit. Thanks.

AJ said...

Okay, you two potential pregnant ladies are killing me with the suspense!

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

Ugh...I guess I'll be waiting for your text! What the hell, I'm up anyway.

Tapeworm would really suck.

Not Just Any Jen said...

Get better soon!
Jen

alanna rose said...

I'm getting rid of captcha - just for you :)

Ever see the Kids in the Hall episode where they eat nothing but ketchup and mac and cheese? They were "feeding their tapeworms" - I always think of that when tapeworms are mentioned (which is more often than you'd think).

Leah said...

Lemon head candy. It will stop you from feeling so sick. I lived on them the first few weeks I was pregnant with my daughter.

Jennifer said...

I tried to think of something funny, but it wasn't working. Try not to puke in your hair. Got my fingers crossed for a double-pink line for ya!

Emiline said...

Hope you feel better soon! Get better, seriously. I wouldn't even worry about blogging, commenting, reading, etc. I wouldn't. I'd be watching TV.

So funny about Robin Hood.

HeatherW said...

I get the blog MIA thing...I have been gone for almost a month. i have had so much personal stuff going on lately...so which has already started making an apperance on my blog and some which will have to wait a while to make an appearance.

Hope you are feeling better and I will be waiting for that 3am text!!

Always Home and Uncool said...

get well, barefoot foodie. we miss ya.

HappyHourSue said...

Don't blog, just tweet so we know you're alive. :)

Fiesty Charlie said...

Feel better sweets... or I will have to send you a painting... {grin}

If you send a text a 3 a.m. there had better be a proposition attached to it after the "news."

Just saying!

schwartz said...

Great. Now I want some lemon heads. Thanks Leah.

Sorry you are still sicky. Hope you are happily knocked up and getting over this funk.

Could you also make the text message at 3:30 instead?

Marie said...

Ugh. Puking is the worst! Hope you feel better soon!

Aubrey said...

Are you sure it's not the captcha making ya barf??
You are SO preggers. Stop keeping us in this suspense. Spit it out! Oh wait...you already have been!

American in Norway said...

get well soon! ; )

Jennifer said...

ACK!!! When I read your post yesterday, I thought, yeah, those Captcha bitches, i hate that craptcha crap too! And, lo and behold, I had it turned on!!! OMG you totally hate me! Well, I've turned it off, so you can feel free to post all the spammies you'd like. Enjoy!

texasholly said...

Oh bless your heart (and vomiting stomach). You would have totally rocked the robin hood thing. Jesus wasn't being fair with you.

aimlessly she said said...

Awww :( I hope you feel better soon. And I'm dying to see those test results!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

How can all this puking not be morning sickness? That would be SO unfair!

Laura said...

the.suspense.is.killing.me.

killing.me.

J.Danger said...

GAH! You are KILLING me! Just tell us already!

Erin said...

I am needing an update in a bad way..I have a hard time drinking my morning coffee without your funny posts!

I hope you are OK!

AJ said...

It's tomorrow, it's tomorrow, where's the update? We miss you!

Stephie said...

ok now this is just not fair, no cell phone text and now it's tomorrow and no update WTF?!?!

LiteralDan said...

It's just as well you take some time off-- it allows me to catch up on the can't miss blogs I missed during my week's vacation.

We all know Jesus can be a hard case sometimes-- pray to me instead and I promise I'll fix it within a day or two. Then I'll send around a collection plate.

HeatherW said...

Damn you!! You have turned me into a crazy STALKER!! I am checking your blog like every 2.4 seconds to see what the "big post" is!! You said big post TOMORROW and that was over 24 hours ago!!!!!!!!!!!

Foodycat said...

The 52" screen is not for WoW - that is a fringe benefit. It is so he can view 2 A4 pages side by side. Truely. It is Important For Work. Or so I am told.

Hope you're feeling better and it is pregnancy not parasites!

THE FRYOR CLAN said...

omg, I was reading someone else's blog and caught the title of yours and redirected. I almost PEED my pants reading your blog! I DREAM of the days when my blogs are as funny. so far, sadly they are not.. they are purley ho hum in comparasion. but i am just starting out........
thanks for the laugh!
Chrissi

Mr. Noodle said...

You and Jesus talk way too much!

I bet he wasn't helping you when you got sick! He's like that some times...

I wanted to be robin hood too but never actually got the part.

Take care...

Mr. Noodle

Jan said...

Whatever it is you're drinking I need some of that. ;-)