Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A true story about mangos and John Tesh.

I ran out of milk today, which is a no no when you have toddlers running around, so I had to make a run up to the local "financially rape you because there isn't anyone else for another 20 miles" super market. Being that I am still a bit sicky, and in need of some vitamins, I decided to stock up on some fresh mangos and bananas, as visions of an icy smoothy danced down my swollen throat. I got various other over priced items, but they are not relevant to this incident.

As the cashier rings me up, there is a bald guy behind me in line that totally looks like Elliott from that show Just Shoot Me, and he is standing way too close to me, in a very I want to wear your skin as a dress kind of way.

Bald Guy: So, hey...what are those red round things?
Me: Um, mangos. They are a fruit.
BG: Ah, how to you eat those?
Me: Honestly, I am not sure how to skin them, I will have to look it up, but I plan on making smoothies out of them.
BG: Oh, yeah, yeah, I know those...they have lots of seeds, and they are supposed to make ya fertile. *points to my womb area*
Me: Um, I, um...
BG: You just tip 'em over and hit them with a spoon to knock the seeds out.
Me: Oh, I think you are thinking of pomegranates, though I am not familiar with the fertility thing. No, these are different, they are orange and meaty inside (note to self, never use the word meaty when talking to a potential sex preditor).
BG: Oh. Do you listen to John Tesh?
Me: No, does he talk about mangoes?
BG: What? No. The man is a genius though.
Me: Really, ok well, nice talking to you (don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact).
BG: You should let me know how those mangos turn out or something.
Me: Yeah, sure thing (run away, run away).

I get to my car, and realize, fuck...she didn't give me my stamps.

So, I ran in, avoided further conversation with creepo, grabbed my stamps, ran back to my car, cursed at the cashier for giving stamps with Yoda on them, turned on the radio, and guess what was on...the John Tesh Radio Show.

Swear to God.

8 comments:

Heather said...

Gah, you should shop with me more. I may also be a freak magnet, but at least I know how to tell someone to back the fuck off.

lamb said...

holy. fucking. shit. i have no words for that experience.

Ann said...

Ah yes... "Intelligence For Your Life"...
Great story!
(Found you through Mom Bloggers)

Amy said...

This is my favorite post EVER.

Emily said...

I'm with Amy.

Best. Post. Ever.

Jan said...

I usually get people like that sitting next to me on Aeroplanes. Especially if it's a long-haul flight. %-(

JennDZ - The Leftover Queen said...

That is nuts! I love coincidences like that, although this is a little creepy...like this guy who followed us all through our wedding and honeymoon - he was staying in the same hotel where we got married - we saw him at the airport - mind you NOT the nearest airport to where this hotel was, then he also went to Jamaica on the same plane as us - but luckily he was not there at our resort, then yep, on the same plane back AND the same shuttle to airport parking. Roberto says its cause he is in the CIA. I doubt it.

Natalie said...

now that is priceless. do you listen to john tesh? um...not if you do...not if you do! ewwww....