Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The facts of (my) life.

1. There are two types of people in this world. The people who put little marshmallows in fruit salad, and the people who don't.

I don't.

2. I have decided I need a boob job. When I lay on my back they fall to the sides and I am as flat as a 12 year old boy. I don't want them any bigger, I just want them to scoop the goop out, and fill it back up with something harder yet life like.

3. Holy shitballs, Kashi cereal is disgusting. I feel bad for sweet talking the hubby into spending a ridiculous $5 on it as part of my Eat Healthier/Look Hot in a Bikini Summer Fun Program. Every morning I have been pouring a cup of it into the garbage so he thinks I am really eating it. I feel bad because I am sure there are starving kids who would kill to have Kashi cereal to eat...but it tastes like wood, and I have to save face in front of the husband.

4. It has been 14 months since I have had any kind of fast food. I am pretty proud of myself. I would love to say I gave it up solely to lose weight, but the truth is, ever since I watched the movie Fast Food Nation, I am convinced all burgers have poop in them. I eat a lot of crazy things, but poop burgers isn't one of them.

5. At first, I was excited about the prospect of potty training. No more diapers, it's better for the environment, yadda yadda. Then, I realized it would consist of my son peeing and pooping in a toilet shaped bowl, with me having to clean out said bowl after every sitting, and then, the whole thing kinda lost it's luster

6. Since I am now able to comfortably fit into my wedding dress again, I have decided I need to start wearing it around the house more often. Not so much in a "creepy, reliving my special day here look at me Soon to be Mrs. G hoodie," but in a "yeah I am doing the dishes in my wedding dress, so the eff what, get off my train" kinda way.

26 comments:

Not Just Any Jen said...

Britany, me thinks we are a lot alike (except for our tastes in music).

Marshmallows in salad is just sick.

I know exactly the 12 yo flat look you speak of, but I don't really have to lay down.

I don't eat poop burgers either. Ever. Never in my life.

Little boys do have a hard time controlling their cricket, fo sho. My mantra is "Just let it hang, buddy." I am sure this makes an impressionin public restrooms.

What kind of Kashi are you eating? Try the crunch-it tastes better but isn't as good for you.

Umm, but I don't think I fit in my wedding dress today. when I do, I will join you.

Marie said...

People put marshmallows in their fruit salads? Why? Ew.

Can't really relate to anything else. I eat Special K with honey or honey Cheerios, definitely not flat chested, don't particularly like fast food, no kids, and I'm not too sure yet if I'll get married (hence no wedding dress).

I'm sure you wanted to know all that about me (actually I'm guessing not!).

La Madre said...

Fast Food Nation is that with Morgan Spurlock the guy from 30 days?? Hubby and I are addicted to that show! I need to watch FFD...maybe I'll drop a few pounds from it!

Heather said...

Truth! You speak it. Kashi bars are only marginally better, too. Stupid kashi.

workout mommy said...

hilarious list! I'm with you on the potty training thing. I wish it was something I could outsource!

Dejoni said...

Potty training sucks. I'm too lazy to keep it up. Kashi sucks too.I think I'll have to start wearing my wedding dress. My husband already thinks I'm having some kind of mental breakdown...that will take the cake.

Natalie said...

there is no way i could fit in my wedding dress! and i have never had kashi. it doesn't really sound like food though. it sounds like bird seed or the name of a dog or something. and poop burgers?!? what? i have not seen fast food nation. i must first eat the things i have missed from america then i can watch it.

HRH said...

I hate to break it to you but there is NO WAY to wear your wedding dress around the house (or anywhere else for that matter) without triggering a serious CREEP factor.

Oh, and be like me...just say NO to potty training. Really, what is the worst thing that can happen?

I'd like my marshmellows on the side, please.

J.Danger said...

Kashi Go Lean Crunch is way better! I love it. You should try it.

Why put marshmallows in salad? Just eat them out of the bag when no ones looking!

Shelly... said...

I agree with J.Danger. Kashi Go Lean Crunch is the only way to go. I'm not a cereal fan at all but I will eat that. Good for you for avoiding the fast food places! I LOVE Del Taco and El Pollo Loco. Not a big fan of the burger places at all, not that the Mexican ones are any healthier! My goal this week has been no fast food places though and I have managed to avoid! :)
Don't even get me started on the boob thing! Now I better get back to work!

beth - total mom haircut said...

Ok, Kashi - it sucks. And I hate to say that because I really want it to not suck, but it really does. Cereal? Awful. But the granola bar things? Downright inedible. Seriously. So does your husband read your blog and now the secret is out?

And the fast food - we've let it go too. More because it just wasn't an industry we want to support in any way, and also for the purposes of weight loss.

I wonder if I should pull my wedding dress out of storage and go do some dishes...

ali said...

I can remember being at an air show several years ago with stinky disgusting portapotties trying to convince my recently potty trained son that it's okay if he pees in his pull up. He refused. Ugh.

Heather at A Boy, A Girl, & A Pug said...

We must see pics of you in that wedding dress washing dishes!

I've decided that my 2 1/2 year old will wear diapers forever! What's the harm right!

BunnyMendelbaum said...

Hey - do you wanna be hog tied and tagged? Well, I just tagged you! I got the Q's on my blog.

Tishia said...

That Kashi cereal sucks. Actually any of the Kashi food I've tried sucks! And for the price of it all it should be damn good.

I'm a marshmallow kind of gal...I love them. I love the wedding dress thing...that cracks me up! But way to go on fitting into it again that's awesome.

CHEFDRUCK said...

Britany,
I'm checking out your blog because of the mom bloggers linking task - I'm glad I found it! I love your name and I too hate marshmallows in salad. But in hot chocolate....that's another story.

Kandace said...

Why the eff would you be touching pee and poop? Make that kid go in the real potty. If he's scared they have seats that fit onto the real potty so he won't fall in. The thought of all that work would make me pray my son was still in diapers when I shipped him away to college.

LMFAO @ you dumping the Kashi in the garbage.

And, yes, wear that darn dress to do the dishes what the heck else are you supposed to do with it?

Deb said...

I LOL'ed at "poop burgers"...you are too funny.

pkay said...

I have not tried the Kashi cereal, but I don't mind the bars. I usually try to eat those. I am on my 90-day training program. Cutting out the sugar is hard for me.

I am soooooo glad I don't have any boys. Well, one big 50 year old one who nevers cleans the toilet either. Why is it our job? It sucks.

I had one wedding dress and that went with the ex- or it got trashed or something. Don't know and don't care. But I do know that I in no way can fit into my little suit that I wore on my second wedding. When I get back donw in 90 days, maybe I will take a pic.

You're too funny girl.

lindaloohoo - www.wheresmydamnanswer.com said...

hey brittany,
you stopped by and left some comment love on one of my posts, so i came by to visit y'all.
i love marshmallows so much i even put them in my kashi go lean crunch cereal which i eat every day before going to del taco to get the best burger ever on the planet.
eating kashi means that anything else i put in my body in the next two hours will be immediately vacating the building, so it's really a phantom burger as far as my body is concerned.
i wear my wedding dress which now shows off my, i gained weight and grew boobs, boobs and hides my, i gained weight and got a big fat ass, ass into the fast food place and this really ensures that you get served super quick.
moves ya right up to the front of the line.
could be the creepy factor OR could be the speed at which those pearls shoot off the dress around my new bigger boobs when i bend over to get a straw for my supersize me drink.
good times.
we have reached the point in potty training where my son's favorite phrase in the whole world is 'wipe my butt mama.'
of course i make him say 'please' cause i'm raisin' him right.

girl with the mask said...

Just as a reference point, there is almost as much poop talk on this blog then there is on mine- and I don't even have kids! Great place you got here x

Emily said...

Marshmallows in fruit salad are nasty. I bet your MIL is a marshmallow person.

I'm terrified of ending up with your boob syndrome after I pop the kid out. Mom boobs make me want to cry.

Regular Kashi is NASTY. The Crunch isn't too bad, and neither is the Cheerio-like kind (don't remember the name). I don't think the dark chocolate and cherry granola bars are too bad. They aren't the delicious Quaker chocolate chip kind, but they're decent.

Potty training, like the fact of actually having to get the baby out somehow, is one of those things I'm just pretending doesn't exist.

I haven't seen Fast Food Nation, but I quit the fast food because it's too expensive and I was getting pudgy from eating lunch out almost every day. It's been 9 months or so, and even though I'll eat it occasionally now, I've pretty much lost my taste for it.

Wearing your dress around the house might be just a little creepy. But your neighbors might like it better than seeing you in your bra (except the creepy old guy).

I think I covered it all...

Sandy C. said...

Marshmallows in fruit salad is so wrong. So is Kashi. I swear the box it comes in must taste the same :(

TroubleX2 said...

Poop burgers??
OMGosh! I did not watch that, so I'm going to have to rent it now. Will I ever eat fast foot again? That might be a good thing for the size of my butt.

I'm with ya on the boob job. Getting a reduction myself. I can't wait!

Brittany said...

ok, I singlehandedly responded to each and every comment, and blogger fucking ate it! ATE IT!

In short, yes, after watching it, it may effect your ability to eat fast food meat, unless you have no qualms with feces.

I am aware I am crazy for wearing the dress, and if any of you are my friends, you will take pictures doing crazy shit in your as well.

Kashi is yucky. The box is just full of ground up pieces of the box. period.

Kristen Andrews said...

some of the Kashi is gross, I like eating healthy but come one some of it tastes like bird seed.