Friday, June 27, 2008

In sickness and in health...

Medical emergency! Medical emergency!

I think my husband is going blind! BLIND!

It's weird, because he hasn't really complained of vision problems, and he was playing video games all afternoon.

Tsk, tsk, poor guy.

He probably doesn't want to worry or upset me, meanwhile, he is secretly freaking out on the inside. He is so selfless.

Thank God I am such a caring and observant wife to pick up on such little clues. Earlier today, I stood out of his line of vision and threw a wooden spoon right at him, and he didn't even flinch before it hit his face. Well, after witnessing his dumbfounded shock after that spoon made contact, I was convinced had gone blind, and I put a call into our doctor right that second.

What, in the name of baby Jesus, has he done to deserve this?! He is so young and strong, I can't believe this is happening to him. It really puts things into perspective, ya know. Just watching him walk out on the deck three times today to feel the cool summer breeze on his sweet cheek, and never once does he see this mess staring him right in the face, what a cruel, cruel world we live in.



P.S. Um, if you think I am gonna clean this bitch up, you are sadly mistaken, my friend. If you don't stop pretending you have no idea it is laying there right in front of your face, I am going to hide your game controller under the fly covered roasted chicken carcass. The rubber gloves are under the sink, where I left them after cleaning up THE MAGGOTS, have at it.

Love you to pieces!

17 comments:

kel said...

Perhaps if you place his video game controller under the mess he will clean it up? Works for mine.

Nichol said...

Fracking funny!!! I laughed so hard I cried.

Nicole said...

SO funny. Sad thing is that my husband is just like that. The dogs will be dancing and whining and he never sees it till they piss themselves. Oh and he has glasses too! I love your blog you put great humor in every day life.

IRISHKAT said...

I have the name of of great eye surgeon... no seriously.

Jenn said...

I used to think that Male Pattern Blindness was just a myth, but sadly it's all too real.

Marie said...

Ewww. Lock him out next time he walks out the door and see if he cleans it up then.

The Glamorous WAHM said...

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it! I'm glad it's just not my husband! I totally feel your frustration!

ali said...

Very reminiscent of the suitcase my husband placed on the floor of our bedroom after he got home from military drill weekend.

2 weeks ago.

Michelle said...

OMG A clean up the damn mess! Britt you crack me up.

Fiesty Charlie said...

So, now I know there is a slob in EVERY relationship... Even those of us in same sex relationships...

My "wife" has a condition called "Stepsovertheshittentimes" and I am seriously looking for a doctor for her....

If she were on your deck, she would dance around it without ever "seeing it."

Gotta love, cause the alternative is illegal in all 50 states....

Not Just Any Jen said...

Oh, yeah-it is so HIS turn after your deal with the maggots. Don't cave! And if it were me, I wouldn't let up at throwing hard objects at him either.

beth - total mom haircut said...

Hey! You're totally right! That must be my husband's problem as well - he's just BLIND, the POOR man. Perhaps some really thick effin glasses will do the trick and show him the bags of trash he practically steps on every time he goes in and out of the door.

I think after the maggots you are ahead by like 37 points on the chores scoreboard.

Dejoni said...

You are one funny bitch!
Are our husbands related?
Could they have been secretly seperated at birth.
You always make me laugh til I tinkle a little on myself.

Natalie said...

my husband used to be the same way until his parents came to visit one christmas. we were out of town for part of their visit...i know seems weird...so they were staying at our house. when we arrived back home...the day after christmas they came outside to meet us. they literally stepped over the turkey carcass from their christmas dinner as they were coming out the back door. flies buzzing around. i tried to be happy to see them, but all i could think was why in heck is there a turkey carcass on the ground by the back door. as we carted all of our stuff in they stepped over it again. my husband and i just looked at each other...shocked really. he ended up cleaning it up, and i think it cured him. he didn't want to be that guy anymore. oh...he still is that guy sometimes, but way way less often!

schwartz said...

men are all the same.
Seriously, I love that you threw a wooden spoon at him. I tried a meat tenderizer after reading your post to see if J was going blind too.
He wasnt.
But now he has a lovely waffle pattern on his forehead.

J.Danger said...

thats oddd....I think your husband and my husband have the same mysterious disorder! Crazy!

Maybe I should give the wooden spoon trick a go-

-J.Danger

Lauri said...

OH MY GOD... my husband has been stricken with the same illness... wtf, is it a plague hitting men in Ohio.

That post was brilliant