Sunday, July 13, 2008

Vodka cleans everything, including your soul.

The plan for today was church then a pool party featuring a collection of all my darling girlfriends from high school, where we planned to drink, not swim and try to out hot each other in our bathing suits.

But, as it turns out, I was out of vodka...so, I had to pass on church. Nothing puts the spirit in Holy Spirit like vodka.

So, I scrapped my church plans...not that I was upset about missing out on an hour of not hearing what the priest said because I am too busy picking up cherios, apologizing for my heathen's frivolous use of the phrase "aw craaap," and glaring at the lady, with 8 well behaved angels, who is giving me the stink eye for showing up in flipflops and trollop inspired red nail polish (deal with it lady, and fyi, no one wears "up to your belly button" panty hose anymore, especially with peeptoe flats. How the crap did you seduce your hubby a minimum of 8 times in control top panty hose?).

So, I spent the morning visiting my second most favorite place of worship...the liquor store.

A lot of people might be put off by the type of person who literally waits outside the door of a liquor store for it to open at 10am...on a day of worship...wearing houseshoes. But, not me. Those are my peeps.

I really needed Mandrin Absolut Vodka for my pool party fruit salsa, but it turns out asking for anything fruity, flavored, and not made from grain and a still at my local liquor store, is akin to calling their mother a whore...so plain vodka it is.

In all honesty, I could have dumped anything in there and not cared, hubby and I were just so damn giddy to be getting out and spending the day with our respective friends, me poolside sipping yummies, him spending the day flying with a friend, and the boys having a ball with grandma & grandpa.

I love my girls, and our theme for the day was...


Drinking, eating, tanning, and shit talking...ahhh...just like high school. It's funny, no matter how much time passes, or how far away some people move, once we're all together, we can totally pick up right where we left off, giving eachother shit for past boyfriends and scandalous deeds done in backseats.


Yep, we are a whole lot of awesome, wrapped up in a tipsy, slightly burnt, unnecessarily scantily clad (because you know you have friends when you can let it all hang out and they don't think twice) package of hottness.

5 hours, a few Blue Moons, heaps of love salsa, and too many glasses of Nikki's amazing mango sangria later...I was home, nursing my burns on bikini areas that clearly haven't seen the sun in a long...long...long time.

In hindsight, I can say priority numero uno should have been putting the remnants of the salsa in the fridge and not just tossing it aside in my bag on the floor.

Can dogs even get drunk? Like, belligerently drunk?

I am only asking because my pug may have eaten the rest of the salsa, called me a whore, and puked up a lego...

26 comments:

lamb said...

hahah..so...the other girls vote preggers, and you vote tapeworm.

reason #839439384 of why you are awesome.

The Mom said...

What a fun day! Tan in a tube and you still burnt?! Dang.

AJ said...

I'm always glad to hear of someone else who passes up church for such things. I feel a little guilty, but like you said, you can't even hear the priest, let alone take in the message!

The salsa sounds yummy with the vodka!

Shelly... said...

Looks like a great day was had by all! And anything with vodka rocks! I will have to try your fruit salsa. Glad you were able to have some friend time! Love the description of your local liquor store too. It was like that when I lived in Washington. The liquor stores are state run and lame. But here in Vegas...

Brittany said...

Lamb...why thank you, turns out I am a parasitic expert, so I vote tapeworm. treat with mass amount of liquor, that should kill it.

Jen...Dude, I know! I am shocked that the brown goop had no protective value:)

AJ...I hear ya, it's like I was doind anyone who would have potentially had to sit by me and my brood a BIG favor by not going.

Shelly...I am so jealous of the sins you Vegas folk can get away with!

Emily said...

Tanning and booze with friends sounds like my kind of day.

Give poor Henry a break. He deserves to get trashed every once in a while, since he puts up with all the poking, prodding, and tail pulling that comes with two toddler boys.

Not Just Any Jen said...

Your salsa sounds yummy and it looks like you had a great time! Good for you! I don't blame you for missing church. We are that family- the one that everyone stares down. Makes me want to go get some vodka just afterwards.
Jen

Kel said...

Effing hilarious, girl. I believe you had the "spirit" with you all day. And it tasted great going down.

Emiline said...

At least you go to church. I'm...such a heathen.

I want some of that mandarin vodka. Do you have Burnett's there? I bought the vanilla but I thought it tasted like crap.

Amanda said...

Sounds like an awesome day. Just getting to hang with friends sans-kids is awesome, then fruit salsa with vodka, and brown goop. You just can't top that. I wonder how the salsa would be with some Patron... with a little lime juice. Hmm.

Brittany said...

Emily...So true, things are worse since they discovered HE has a pee pee too!

Jen...I became inspired by all the fun you were having on all YOUR girls only time:) I was jealous and had to get out.

Kel...I am going to be honest, I MAY still have a bit of the spirit in me:)

Emiline...I will have to check on the vodka, and I have to go to church o rmy mother will diwsown me...plus I like to silently judge all the losers I went to Catholic School with at my church. I makes me feel better, just like church should.

Amanda...I could not agree more, it's pretty much the best thing, especially when you don't get out much...like myself:) Pathetic, huh. And as for the Patron and lime, I will have to try it, as I still have oodles of fruit left, and plenty of limes, so I will dabble with it today or tomorrow, I hadn't even thought of adding that!

Sue said...

I am so making that salsa. Does it give you a buzz? Not that that matters. :P

IRISHKAT said...

Looks like a blast!! And for the record, I pass on church all summer long - because I don't want to deal with me heathens either!

Stacey said...

What a much deserved fun day!!! Jealous on the blue moons :)

J.Danger said...

So I never got my invite. Its ok- I know, i know, it was probably the mail mans fault. Im sure it will be in my mail box any day now. Its ok...Im not mad...


so jealous!

Jennifer said...

Sounds like a great day--I'm jealous! I will definitely try the fruit salsa!

Dejoni said...

Nothing makes me lose my religion faster than taking my kids to church. I swear the devil works wonders with a mother trying to catch a toddler crawling under the pew. I cuss more in church than anywhere else...that is...under my breath.

dreaded-destiny said...

Why can I see you standing outside the liquor store on a Sunday morning? Question is...they have a liquor store in that small ass town? I should probably shut up...we're looking at a house out there on Thursday. Ya know the one out by the overpass on the way out of town? It's the huge one on the right. The BF fell in love with it. I think it's the only thing he's liked that my mom has suggested..lol

Brittany said...

Sue...Yes. Yes it does.

Irish...I know, and there is NO a/c...a sweaty pain in the ass.

Stacey...Thanks, they are my fave.

Danger...It should totally be there today:)

Dejoni...I KNOW! I have a mouth like a sailor in church...through gritted teeth of course.

Dreaded...Yay, I love it here, small towns...er villages...rock!

Sandy C. said...

Holy 1990! I'm so jealous. Tipsy with tan in a tube? Why weren't you at my high school?

Peeptoe flats- I nearly choked on a Goldfish cracker ;)

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

I so would love a day like this..I so NEED a day like this.

Can I come to the next one?!

LiteralDan said...

Yeah I'm pretty sure the dog was drunk. But the question is, was it out of your sight at any point? Cause you may have some puppies to answer for.

Politi Gal said...

Absolute Vodka $25

Four HS girlfriends, "a few Blue Moons, heaps of love salsa,...too many glasses of Nikki's amazing mango sangria" a sunburn and a drunk dog? Priceless

Sounds like you had a blast!

Kelly said...

Oh that sounds like a fabulous day..!!
And waiting for the liquor store open in slippers..haha thats awesome!
Found your blog through someone..don't remember..but needless to say, I'll be back!
~Kelly
p.s. my dog barfs up legos all the freaking time! haha

HRH said...

I am a member of that church too!

That looks like soooo much fun.

Mekhismom said...

You are too funny - the church of vodka? Hilarious.