Tuesday, August 12, 2008

A letter to myself

Because I am feeling very zen and therapeutic at the moment (or that could totally be the xanax talking), I decided to follow in the footsteps of the always sassy Amanda, and revisit my past. This is a letter to myself at age 18. Obviously, this was not that long ago for me, ahem, but it is none the less relevant to my inner growth process...plus I am drinking wine and cleaning out my photo box, but hey, ya get what ya get.

So, read it.

Then show me yours...why does that always sound dirty when I say it?!

Dear 18 year old Brittany,

First of all...take it easy with the glitter. I mean really, only hookers on New Years wear that much glitter. Bonnie Bell's target audience is 6 year olds, not drunk college freshman, no one is going to think you look sparkly in that gutter of a bar you insist on going to because they serve underage drunk girls.

Alright, so there is so much I want to tell you, but I feel like maybe I shouldn't, because even though it totally will suck at the time, I think it makes you/me stronger...so how about I only warn and enlighten you about the super important things?

1. First, you were so totally right. College was a blast...a blur, but a blast none the less. It was a great experience, but you should have listened to your gut. You don't need to go. You know what you want to do, so do it, quit wasting time, and write damn it. Oh, and when you get this totally sweet ass internship with the local ABC News affiliate, try to not say y'all on air, and do not wax your lip. I know you are going to think you need to, because all those news girls are waxed to within an inch from death, but don't do it. You do not have a mustache, and you are only sentencing yourself to a lifetime of upkeep.

2. Sure, runaway from that one horse town. Go away to some big city promising big dreams and paved roads. Enjoy it. Try sushi, you'll love it, and contrary to what your father told you, it totally doesn't give you tape worms, he's such a liar. Go to dance clubs, take taxis, visit museums and come home from a night on the town not smelling like a bonfire or chewing tobacco. Make those memories because all too soon, you'll realize you really don't like it that much. Not everyone needs to leave home to be somebody, ya know. You belong where you are from, there is nothing wrong with one horse towns. Plus, we both know how much you love corn fields.

3. Stop with this Carson Daly crush, he is a complete tool. Jennifer Love Hewitt dumped him for a reason, so quit fake reciting your Carson Daly wedding vows in your head, it's totally weird, and I am pretty sure he's gay...or wait, maybe he is dead...I can't remember. Besides, that guy you are dating, he actually loves you, like...in a forever I do kinda way. Don't get me wrong, he thinks you are completely crazy, and you have some seriously weird issues, but he is starting to find your quirks endearing, so be nice to him. Oh, and stop making that popping sound with your mouth when you are trying to make up your mind about something, better to address that now than with him in front of 200 people in the middle of Target on Black Friday when you can't decide which coffee maker to buy his dad...awkward.

4. Y2K...totally not the Apocalypse. Stop hording food and duck taping plastic to your windows. You don't need to spend NYE drinking Boone's Farm in your grandpa's storm cellar with tin foil on your head.

5. Lastly, irregardless is not really a word. Please stop using it when you are drunk. Just say regardless. Thanks.

27 year old Future Brittany

P.S. Quit bitching that you think you are fat. You aren't. You are totally hot, and the perfect size. Just wait until your second pregnancy...


Tasha said...

My drunk word was supposably. But yea, I totally feel ya on all of those. *sigh*

The Mom said...

Holy crap i was 18 seventeen years ago! I'm so old I don't even remember my drunk words. Did words exist way back then?

I'm having a shitty week.

Kelley said...

He he he. I totally thought I was fat too. And I look back and day-um I was hot!

Love your letter. I should do this!

Casey said...

Great post and letter. Love it.

AJ said...

I love you and your knowledge if the fact that irregardless is not a word! Bad grammar is succh a pet peeve of mine!

...and being that I'm 27 also, I have countless pics of me and my friends with our hair like that...and we also thought glitter was cool, and the rule was totally the more the better.

AJ said...

Okay, so re-reading my comment, apparently bad spelling/typing is totally okay with me, even if bad grammar is not:)

Anonymous said...

I would tell 18 year old me to not be such a prude, and maybe consider not holding out until marriage. Oh and stop with this whole fag hag thing. You're not Grace Adler! Sure they are fierce, fun to look at and great dance partners, but you are in way over your head here. This whole top/bottom business is way more then your Catholic ears were meant to hear. Get out NOW before Steve and Paul invite you to watch!

Angie's Spot said...

Great letter! I really should do this. You won't mind if I "borrow" this idea for a post next week. Consider it your bday gift to me. LOL!

texasholly said...

I am so old that I could write a letter to 28 year old Holly.

OK, that might be a good thing to start my letter with...I obviously have issues. Deep issues that just now came out in a snarky way on this here your blog. Which brings up something else...I have been using the phrase "this here" lately which really sucks and I should stop it ASAP because...well, duh.

Alrighty then, the letter was great.

flickrlovr said...

If only I could fast-forward 10 years and write myself the same letter. Alas, I am a young'un, and I know nothing yet. I wish I could just fast forward through all of this right now, and get to where I really want to be...but I know I'm going to have a blast (hopefully) learning all these lessons, and yeah I know, I should just shut up and enjoy it while it lasts.

I'll try.

ali said...

Dear 18 yr old Ali, do not send those pictures to your long distance boyfriend in California. He'll never return them and you can never be Miss America.

Swirl Girl said...

I wish I had written myself a letter to my 27 year old self when I was 27...I am now 44 - shit, I could be your mom!

Stephanie said...

This is my first comment...I love this blog! I followed another blog (avitable.com) who had posted a letter to his 13 year old self. So i did a letter to my 16 year old self...please stop by to check it out!

Great blog!

Emiline said...

I kind of wish I had seen that argument in Target. Sounds like a good one.

Mr. Noodle said...

Wow! This was a great letter!

I think I remember 18 but that guy is so long gone. Besides he wouldn't listen to me anyway... he knew it all and had the world by the tail. If only he knew...

Mr. Noodle

jozette said...

ohhh this was a great idea!! i'm totally gonna try it.

schwartz said...

First of all it scares me that you knew the 'Superfans' in college, haha!

My letter would remind myself that having some guy pick me up in a bar and walk me home, inviting him in, he typically fumbles at getting my bra off in my dorm room- doesnt make me love myself any more...it just gets me laid.

Brittany said...

Tasha...HAHAHA! That word is super hard!

Jen...All that matters is how hot you are sweetie, and you are gorgeous!

Keley...I recommend it, it was lovely talking to myself:)

Casey...Thank you sir!

AJ...HAHAHA! You need to do this and post one! And I will forgive the grammar, I type to fast to check mine:)

Threeboys...OH MAN! Yeah, you need to go back in time and slut it out a bit more, but don't pass up on the gays, they are the best!

Angie...Not at all:)

Holly...So. I hope that was helpful. Maybe it's time for a pedicure and some wine:)

Flickr...How old are you!? Are you young and still hot? Get off my blog! I can't have young girls hanging around here with their firm skin and no stretchmarks! Where's the wine?

Ali...LOL! Um....are there naked pictures of you online!?!?!?!

Swirl...I'm an old 27 though:)

Stephanie...Welcome! I will definitely check out your blog, and thanks for stopping by mine, hope to see you comment again!

Emiline...Oh yeah, it was heated, and lasted until he took me to Tim Horton's for donuts. I just wasn't made to shop and make decisions at 5am.

Mr. Noodle...Thanks! Men are idiots:)

Jozette...Please do!

Schwartz...I told you! Yeah, I really liked this picture, as so many of my 18 y/o pics consist of me stumbling or drunk against a wall, but I couldn't crop them out since they were so close to me, it made the pic look weird:)

Kelly said...

This was good! I'd forgotten about the whole Y2K thing. LOL I think I may have to borrow this idea.

Carolyn...Online said...

Oh my drunk 18 year old self would have totally had a deep conversation with your drunk 18 year old self.

Average Girl In Average World said...

Almost makes me want to write one to 12 y.o. Average Girl.


J.Danger said...

This is fitting for me, given that my ten year reunion is one month away. You know what else is one month away? My oldest turning ten. That gives you an idea of how MY letter would go! But like you say, you get what you get! And I LOVE IT.

Dejoni said...

You mean I have to give up my glitter fetish? Really?
Anyhoo(which is my drunk word), the post is great. I would write mine but it would involve too many mentions of drunken nights ending at White Castle and bring up memories of losers like...Alan, Neil, and Clint. Oh, the horrible memories of youth.

Allison said...

1. Did you tell yourself to stop using 99 cent Aqua Net? It's bad for the environment.

2. Did you also note that Wine Coolers do not constitute as wine?

3. And finally, did you burn the scrunchies????

Sandy C. said...

Dude, amen on the waxing. When I win the lottery, electrolosis is first on the list. Screw the mortgage.

Loved reading this letter. I believe I would tell myself much the same. Particularly the glitter.

Bethany said...

Your posts always make me laugh. I think this is a great idea... may have to try it for myself today. I know that mine would def. say... sex is not the way to get boys to like you... no matter what you think! LOL

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Ha that is too funny--esp. the glitter comment; why the heck did we think it was so cool?!

Aubrey said...

"then show me yours" HA! That's funny and dirty sounding!
Oooo, 18 year old me wouldn't like the current me very much if I wrote a letter to her. So instead, I will just stick to reading yours. Much funnier!

Butterfly said...

Hey, I've been reading your blog for a while.

I like the letter you wrote to yourself a few years ago.

Also I'm not a mom by any means, but I share an apartment with three boys who I love to cook for and I stumbled upon this today.

I'm giving it a try tonight and will let you know how it turns out but for some reason I think this is up your alley.


Judy@nofearentertaining said...

If I only knew then what would really be important as I got older I would have thought of things so differently. I may not have taken the whole "no regrets" thing to such an extent!!!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

This was a great letter. And did you just slip a meme under the radar, you sneaky little devil? Cuz it smells like one. :)

Brittany said...

Kelly...You have my blessing:)

Carolyn...see, we can be best 18 year old drunk friends!

Average girl...I think you should do it, get it all out there in the open.

Danger...Hahaha, my 10 year is next year, so I am feeling very reminiscent at the moment.

Dejoni...Put the glitter down. If I have to, you have to.

Allison...1. I have graduated to Pantene aerosol. 2. Old fermented grape juice counts though, right? 3. I can't bring myself to do it.

Sandy...I hear ya! I am so tempted every time I hear those electrolysis commercials.

Bethany...We were such fools, giving it away to stupid boys:)

Lisa...Because glitter and shimmery eye shadow made us look sexy...and shiny.

Aubrey...Dude, my 18 y/o me would kick my ass.

Butterfly...Thanks for commenting!!!! And please let me know how that recipe turns out, I will give it a go!

Judy...It's funny how regrets rear their ugly head:)

Nanny...Now, you know I operate under a strict NO MEME policy. I refuse to participate...but if I happen to start one...welll...

Weith Kick said...

As usual, you are a riot.

Boones Farm rules! At least it did when I discovered drinking.

I guess I can't judge you for having a crush on Carson Daly. My crush was Samantha Fox because Naughty Girls Need Love too.

Penelope said...

Hahaha...great post! I totally needed that said to me when I was eighteen!

Channah said...

I think every 18 year old thinks they were fat (well, except for my sister in laws. But they're almost 30, and still size 0s, just like their mother). I wish I had my 18 year old body back!

aimlessly she said said...

I hate when people use irregardless! I was at a training for work last week and not one but TWO speakers said it. I wanted to pull out my hair. Oh, I also feel ya on the "you weren't fat, you were hot" part. I'd kill to look like that now! *sigh*

Jo-Jo said...

Looking at that pic of you tells me you were totally hot and definatly not fat! Now you are making me wonder what I would say to my 18 year old self....hummm

Nicole said...

Yes the same thoughts have ran through my head lately. If I only could tell my 18-21year old self the stuff I know now at the great age of 27 where would I be... So true on a lot of things. I thought I was fat back then. Now I look at pictures and think wow I was in great shape and looked good. Uhh the good ole days. Thanks for this post made me think !

Stephanie said...

Thanks -- I totally stole this idea too. You just shaved $100 off my monthly therapy bill. Nice work.

LiteralDan said...

Number 5 is my favorite, but 3 is a close second-- I hate that noise, but I could see making it now and then. People who make it, though, are always just SO into it that I don't think I could take it that far unless I was deliberately trying to irritate the shit out of someone (such as my wife).

It goes without saying that I would totally do such a thing, of course, so I'm not sure why I am still writing this sentence. Probably to irritate my fellow sticklers for no reason. I'm that hardcore!!

Natalie said...

how did i miss this when you wrote it? was i camping? oh well.

i would love to write a letter to my 17 year old self. whew...i can't even say what i would tell that little prissy girl. i would give her the what for...for sure!

Xanax Prescription Medication said...

My name is Robert Kegan and i would like to show you my personal experience with Xanax.

I am 19 years old. Have been on Xanax for 60 days now. I have periodic panic attacks, particularly at social gatherings, riding in cars, and walking into rooms full of people (i.e. late to class). I felt that the medicine worked, but I felt that it created urges to take more than directed when the rebound anxiety hit, so I switched from alprazolam to clonazepam (Klonopin). I think xanax is great for airplanes and adjunctive treatment with ssri's, but by itself I don't think xanax has much too offer except as a short term treatment for panic attacks, klonopin is less sedating and seems to prevent future anxious episodes without causing cravings, and tolerance seems to build up much slower than xanax does.

I have experienced some of these side effects -
I sometimes felt invisible, like nobody could notice anything I was doing. Occasionally it would make me fall asleep if I had to stay in one spot for too long. After a fairly short period of time I would feel moderate rebound anxiety.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Robert Kegan