Thursday, August 7, 2008

Turns out, not as handy as I thought.

I'm a little disappointed.

Me and the boys spent about 3 hours yesterday perfecting our new sprinkler system. Actually, it was more me doing the work, and them drinking the 80 mph water that shot out of the holes, and then squatting over the sprinklers and enjoying the shots of water on their little boy parts a little too much.

But, I did it. Alone. All by myself. No help from my husband or my dad, or my brother. No one.

I was happy, and we walked up to the ice cream shop to celebrate my accomplishment with cherry dipped vanilla cones, and then came home because mommy likes to watch Judge David Young (hello, justice with a snap) during nap time and paint her toe nails.

6pm comes.

Ding!

Sprinklers come on.

They were glorious. I watched from the window for a few minutes and then decided to jump in the tub...because that's what I always do when someone is about to come to my door, catching me at the most inopportune time.

5 billion door bell rings, and 90 overly dramatic pounds on my front door...

It's my neighbor. The one who refuses to shovel my sidewalk in the winter. He's all wet.

Neighbor: I'm all wet.
Me: Me too, I was in the tub.
Neighbor: Yeah, I wasn't, and yet, I am soaked.
Me: I think it's because you just walked through my new sprinkler system.
Neighbor: Actually no. It's because your new sprinkler system is set to shoot water in my bedroom window, where I was laying (reading dirty porn).
Me: Seriously?! I grossly underestimated the power of this thing, what a deal, eh!?
Neighbor:...
Me: Sooo....you want me to shut it off, or are you just going to close your window?

Sooo...looks like I have to tinker with things a bit.

But, I am so waiting until after his 6pm surprise bath tonight...just to keep things interesting.

29 comments:

Weith Kick said...

Geez, what a whiney neighbor. You'd think no one had ever had a little water sprayed into their bedroom before while reading porn. I mean, what's the big deal?

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

HaaaHaaa! I am so glad you are not my neighbor! LOL. Good for you though on setting up the system all by yourself!

beth - total mom haircut said...

Oh...oops. He's just pissed because you got his porn all wet.

The Mom said...

Nice, I bet if you tried you couldn't have planned it any better! LMAO. I'm sure his porn was wet even before the water came in....EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Politi Gal said...

I am still laughing! DENNIS! What Mr. Wilson?

Average Girl In Average World said...

abuse of the porn? well, maybe it was being abused before hand so......

It feels good to be self sufficient, doesn't it?

H.E.Eigler said...

Too funny! I'd have liked to have seen his face when his shower started (maybe not) Wonder what he said while he was all alone in his bedroom?

J.Danger said...

effing awesome! And of all the neighbors! And I love that he just assumes that you set it to shoot there! Ha! I bet the last people that lived there would never have thought of that! Oh thats right, cuz they were all perfect and shit! Please!

A+ friend.

Leah said...

Thats awesome!

You should have told him "thanks for letting me know. You may want to close your window between this time and this time daily" and then shut the door!

ali said...

Maybe you could offer to let him squat over your sprinkler for awhile?

Momo Fali said...

So picky! You'd think with the price of everything these days, he'd be happy about getting a free bath.

Jennifer said...

Well--at least to tried to fix it! I wouldn't have the first clue how to tinker w/ a sprinkler (that sounds weird and perverted!).

Brittany said...

Weith...Um, exactly. I mean, he's a dirty guy, he should have considered it a message from Jesus.

Judy...Thanks, I am totally being a bad ass about it.

Beth...I know! I was just trying to make the pages less sticky!

Jen...HA! Thank you for saying it so I didn't have to!

Politigal...Duuuude.....I know! I am afraid to look over, in case I get the stink eye!

Average girl...It does. I feel pretty superior about it at the moment.

H.E...I know! Maybe he thought he came early....sorry...

Danger...Why thank you, he just likes to bust my balls.

Leah...I wanted to so bad, but he was grimacing...which was creepy.

Ali...BEST RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Momo...I know, I mean, if I am going to piss away clean water, at least it could be going to help others too. I like how selfless I am today.

Jennifer...See, I am well versed in sprinkler tinkering:)

Fiesty Charlie said...

OK... If I send you one of those cameras like they use on Big Brother... ummm like A LOT of those cameras, will you install them so we can see your life "live" and in real time?

I swear you would be bigger than any reality show on TV today....

JenniBeanV said...

LOL! I am imagining your neighbor's blog post for the day...

So I am lying in bed with my baby oil and Hustler when all of a sudden...

threeboys1mommy said...

That porn is probably covered in DNA what's a little sprinkler water going to hurt?

AJ said...

Should have told him karma's a bitch and that maybe he should start shoveling your part of the sidewalk!

Raging Dad said...

I never thought about sitting on the sprinkler before. Have to try that! :)

aimlessly she said said...

That is good stuff! I'd do it a couple more times and play innocent.

LiteralDan said...

I say this is still a handywomanning success. You should tinker with it to send a stream into his living room, too.

Alternatively, tell him he shouldn't have put his house there, and he's obviously up in your personal space.

Brittany said...

Charlie...As long as everyone is cool with me not showering daily and looking homeless, then let's do this thing!

Jenni...HAHAHAHA! I wish they had a blog, it would be hilarious to read what they write about me!

Threeboys...I know, if anything, I am helping him more freely commit a crime!

AJ...FO SURE! Selfish bastard.

Raging Dad...I reccomend it...it's nice and tickly in all the right spots.

Aimlessly...That's the plan...but if I come up missing....

Dan...I know, he's totally all up in my business!

Emiline said...

He's so stupid. Why doesn't he just shut his window? Freak.

I bet he does look at porn.

What did you say? Cherry dipped vanilla ice cream? That sounds GOOD.

So, I'm considering joining the Jewish faith. Maybe. But probably not. I was in a Jewish cook off one time! It was awkward, because I didn't know all of the rules about Kosher cooking.

Anissa Mayhew said...

I cannot tell you enough, that although I love reading your blog, I am SOOO glad I'm not your neighbor! But that's some funny shit because it's not happening to me.

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

Dude what's his problem? You hosed him off after his porn fest so you saved him the cold shower, right? Geesh what a whiner!

exskindiver said...

chuckling here.

Angie's Spot said...

So, you won't be the next hired handywoman on some annoying home improvement show. Oh well.

And I agree with the others. You did that neighbor a favor. How inconsiderate of him to whine about it.

Mommie Mayhem said...

LOL. I suck at do it yourself projects. Great post!

HeatherW said...

You should have told that neighbor you will tinker with that when they start clearing the snow off your drive way too!! You would have a nice couple months knowing that your sprinklers are shooting into their bedroom before snow hits the sidewalk!!

flickrlovr from said...

Bwahahahaha. Only you, Britt. Only you.

You freaking cracked me up with this shit girl.