Monday, September 22, 2008

Gloria Steinem come punch me in the face now.

They came to shut my water off today.

Which was annoying, as I was all curled up on the couch watching CNN for the latest on the Travis Barker/ DJ AM plane crash saga (which CNN kept interrupting with all this "filler" about terrorist bombings and gas shortages...hello, we want the real news, folks!), chomping away on my latest craving of Captain Crunch (which totally destroys the roof of your mouth, btw).

So I padded over to the door, only to find the water and sewer guys in offensively neon yellow shirts chilling on my porch.

Me: Yes?
Water Guy: Hey Brittany, did you know your water bill is late?
Me: Ugh, again? You guys should seriously send out reminders, or, like, call.
Water Guy: We actually do send out reminders...er bills.
Me: Right...ok, how much?
Water Guy: $847563729103.
Me: Ok, sweet, here ya go, don't mind the $20 bill with a sweet tart stuck to it.

This is my life. I am on a first name basis with every utility guy in this town.

It's not that I can't pay it. Or, won't pay it. It's just that I do not have the skill set required to remain organized enough to remember to pay it. I should not be in charge of our finances. Period.

Luckily, the only bills we have, besides house and cars which thankfully auto deduct, are utilities...And I only ever had the lights shut off once, because I wasn't there for the courtesy call...which is actually a lie, I was home but hiding upstairs because I thought it was a LDS recruiter.

My bad.

Fortunately, my husband got home from work late, and was easily distracted with candles and boobies, so he was none the wiser until he got up in the morning and plugged in his razor. Even then, I blamed a random (very) isolated thunderstorm the day before.

I hate that in a household of joint responsibilities, he gets the easy ones like killing spiders and taking out the trash, and I get the way harder ones like child birth and paying utilities.

47 comments:

texasholly said...

Take it from me. Someone with more experience in this area...if you continue to fail miserably at bill paying your husband will eventually take over. Oh, and then you can do the whole, "my hero" thing to him and it works out really well in the end. Shhhh...don't tell Gloria.

AJ said...

Don't feel bad, I'm hyper- organized, like have spread sheets, and schedule which bills come out of which paycheck each month, and plan out a monthly budget, and I STILL pay some bills late.

Like our water bill last quarter, which my husband says "why is there a late fee?" To which my response was "Well Sweeetest, I forgot about getting it in the mail, so I had plans to go to town and pay it. And then my boss was all 'You are going to Flint-Nasty this week to sit at the shitty GM plant' so I didn't make it back in time to pay it the day it was due. So suck it. It was one day late."

And, I find myriad excuses to call the credit card companies and say "can you please take that late fee off, I always pay on time, but this one time, I was having an emergency operation/giving birth/mixed up the due dates of two bills/helping hurrican victims, so I paid it a day late." They always say "sure, we'll take it off, can we sell you this payment protection program." And then I have to spend the next 30 minutes telling them why I don't want to pay $75 to protect payments on a $250 credit card. But I do it from work, so it totally doesn't infringe on my time:)

Annie said...

I actually remember to pay the bills, but suck ass at balancing the checkbook. my husband, who is a CPA/COntroller/Financial Wiz doesn't like to balance at all. I personally think he should be doing ALL the bills and balancing, but b/c he doesn't think it is necessary, I do it, and make ginormous errors.

Average Girl In Average World said...

That post hit home!!!


Know what solved my problem?? I set bill paying reminders as an alert on my cell phone for Saturday a.m.'s. The kids see me sit down and write checks, experts say that is good for them, the bill paying, not the excessive hair pulling. lol.

Marie said...

Oh I hear you. I forget to pay some bills sometimes. Only because I pile them in a corner in my apartment and forget about them. Oops.

By the way, have a little something for you on my blog. :)

HappyHourSue said...

Boobies rule.

kel said...

You had me at the Captn' Crunch killing the roof of your mouth. I'm still recovering from last week's cravings.

Jo-Jo said...

I am so there with you. Really, so there.

Fiesty Charlie said...

YOU my dear need a wife.... Mine is tops when it comes to our finances... and NO you may not have her... Because Abbie and I would be sitting in the dark, with no water, cable, internet service or food.

I am a useless boob!

{giggles} I said boob on your blog...

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

capn' Crunch is a killer fo sho!

Get your utilites auto-deducted too. Most companies do it. I love auto deduct. Makes me have flushing toilets and stuff.

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

Don't feel too bad. I can't pay a bill if my life depends on it. I will write it out. Probably even put it in an envelope, maybe even stamp it but do you think that thing will make it into a mail box before they come and turn me off. Hubby likes utilities so he gets to pay all the bills! Life is good!

Threeboys1mommy said...

I think our LDS friends should head over to Kinkos and have an oversized check printed out. We'll be opening our doors our windows, our garage faster than you can say polygamist.

American in Norway said...

Can't you do online payments? There is no such thing as a check book here.... (Serious) Everything has to be done online or you have to actually go to the back & pay an extra $10 for each bill paid there... WELCOME to NORWAY... : ) (but it is very easy online)

jill jill bo bill said...

My utility companies just knock and hold out their hand. I have told them not to waste paper and even mail me a bill, but I guess it's the law or something.

Allison said...

Dude. Boobies and candles already? He should still be grounded for the 3 a.m. ticket/ no license thing.

Keely said...

Luckily the bank now lets me pay them online, so I can do it while sitting on my ass in front of the computer, which is something I do every day anyway. I still forget occasionally.

But if I left that kind of shit up to hubby? We'd all be sitting in the dark, dirty and starving and naked.

But hey, we'd have a KICKASS HOME STEREO SYSTEM.

Dejoni said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one with "mommy amnesia." I can't remember to do anything anymore...at least the important stuff. I can remember to do stuff like blog, shop, etc...but stuff like paying the bills...it gets put in an unknown file in my brain that I rarely open.

Natalie said...

my husband pays most of the bills here. we can't just mail them in or pay them online like we did in the states. here we have to take them in to pay them. i hate it! i can't wait to get back to the states and pay bills online!

Bethany said...

That's me to a T. I also lack the skills that it takes to pay stuff on time. But, I think mine's more like I get distracted by shiney objects (or not so shiny purses) and figure I've got another 2 months before they actually HAVE to shut it off, right?

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Me & the electric company are currently in a death spiral about their payments. They do auto withdrawal, which is awesome because then I never have to do anything. Except twice there was a problem with the money not being in my account. DH's job paid him by check rather than auto deposit & it hadn't posted when the electric company came for their money & on another occasion my bank transferred $1000 out of the account instead of $100, wiping out the account on the day the electric company came for their money. So they made my account CASH ONLY and will only switch back after 12 months of on time payments

Because you know, people who have trouble getting the electronic payment to work are much much more reliable at going into town, withdrawing the cash from the bank and then driving to the electric company to pay the bill. I apparently can't manage to type 100 without screwing it up, but I can be trusted to manage a 6 step process.

Emily said...

I love paying our bills. It soothes my anal nature. I'd much rather handle the finances than have to kill spiders. I'd also much rather do bills than birth the children, but it's a little late to get myself out of that one.

Sra said...

I pay all my bills by direct transfer through my credit union. That way I don't have to bother with writing checks and stamping envelopes. I have my utilities send my bills via email where possible, and then when I get the emails, I go directly to my credit union account and do a bill pay transfer. Or if I get the bill in the mail, I take it to my computer and do it right away. It's best to do it right when you get it, or you'll forget.

Goldfish said...

This is totally why my husband pays the bills.

Swirl Girl said...

If I let Hubby take care of the household bills we'd be sitting in the dark, dirty and thirsty with a years worth of Kettle Korn of the Month Club and Gof Digest magazines to wipe our asses with.

Anissa Mayhew said...

I have to pay the bills AND kill the spiders. My husband sucks!

Tena said...

I think now would be a perfect time to switch duties with your husband... ha ha ha! Enjoy that child birth dear!

Aubrey said...

I suck ass at paying the bills. I have for 16 years now. Why do you think my hubby hasn't stepped in yet??? Because even he knows it is THE WORST responsibility ever.

lamb said...

A-bomb does all the bills and cleans out the litter box. Yet I still complain everything.

Don't tell him how bad he has it.

Burgh Baby said...

You should totally fess up to not being "smart enough" to pay the bills. I did it five years ago and lost that task in a flash. It's wonderful being on the other side of things and randomly asking my husband, "So, did you pay the bill for my bon-bons and massages yet?"

DCD said...

Our water company is the only utility that is not up to the times and can't do any kind of auto-draw or even pay over the phone!

Consequently, our water bill is pretty much always late and in threat of being turned off. Hey, that's just how we roll. Late and forgetful!

JenniBeanV said...

I screwed up our bills sufficiently enough that my husband took over. Muhahahaha!

Emiline said...

I wonder what would happen if you let your husband take over.

Do you hide from lds recruiters too? I turn off the lights, hide in my room and peek out the window.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

OMG you are hilarious!

I use Quicken. I can put in when a bill is supposed to be paid and it will put it in the next month too. Makes it nice and easy!

Rachel said...

Well shit.

Now I see that my husband is even more of a brilliant mastermind. Damn.

LOL :-)

Mekhismom said...

Oh, me too Brittany, me too. Why can't the men shoot out a little one every now and again? What happened to Equal rights and all that good stuff?

LiteralDan said...

I thought my wife was the only person who would equate paying bills and such with childbirth. Maybe that's because she had about 6 hours' labor total for both kids.

Or maybe this is just a woman thing. Aren't all things I don't get involving one or more women a "woman thing"?

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh my gosh- I am the same way. Thankfully have never had anything shut off, but come very close!

Steph

Sandy C. said...

Yup, I'm the same way. Before marriage, the company I worked for payed my rent and utilities. So I went into marriage with a warped sense of utility fairies that take care of those things for me. At least that's the story I told hubby.

He does them now.

Asianmommy said...

Lucky me--DH pays the bills. But I still have to do the childbirthing.

Carolyn...Online said...

Paying bills is stupid.

Raging Dad said...

Ugh. I am in charge of bills and have been pretty bad lately about being on top of them. Need to focus better!

How to Party with an Infant said...

"I am on a first name basis with every utility guy in this town."

That sounds so porno.

Foodycat said...

My husband is happy to pay the bills. If I am happy to deal with reminders, second reminders and hired goons coming around to repossess the sofa. So I pay the bills.

Brittany said...

I SUCK! I hate that I didn't reply to all your comments.

I am SO SORRY!

I swear, from now on, I will be back to my normal reciprocal self.

And just to clear my hubby's name (he feels jilted), the reason he doesn't pay these utilities is, the town we live in is tiny, and no payment technology is present, so it's in person, hand payment required, and his work schedule doesn't allow for it.

But, since I am a lady of leisure, the job has fallen to me.

THE FRYOR CLAN said...

i too know all the utility guys- because as organized as i TRY to be. it never works. GRRRR
thanks for reminding me i am not the only one.

THE FRYOR CLAN said...

i too am on a first name basis with my utility people. I would love to pay my bills on time. really I would.I even put remindersin my centro. I just get waylaide and forget. thanks for remindingme that i am not the only one!

JT said...

ROFL! I've done this a couple of times! Never because I meant to, but because I'm not organized enough to know when what's due or when they're going to shut it off. I just don't pay enough attention!