Sunday, September 14, 2008

My thoughts on Sarah Palin

Ugh.

Just kidding.

But, seriously, my nipples hurt.

Bad.

I mean, don't get me wrong, the first trimester graces you with boobs to rival Playboy, but it comes at a cost.

If so much as the wind hits them, they bleed and fall off.

I have spent the last 2 hours in my room trying to reduce the fabric touching to nipple ratio by creating some kind of Madonna cone system out of my bra, two Nyquil cups and some chewing gum. Proof I totally learned more in Girl Scouts than how to french kiss.

Plus, Ike's post-cotial monsoon has flooded my basement...again. Which is fine, as there are people facing much worse than a basement knee deep in water, dirty laundry, spider carcuses and boxes of skinny clothes I totally can't fit into anymore.

And, I would totally be down there helping my husband clean it up.

It's just...my nipples hurt too bad.

52 comments:

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

I remember that so well!!! I actually used to wear bathing suit tops in the shower so the water wouldn't pound on them!

Big Ugh!!!

Casey said...

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But wait.. theres more!

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p.s. I made that whole thing up. :) Cheers!

kel said...

Is being pregnant like having a whole 9 months' worth of free passes for bitchy and/or lazy behavior? Cause if so, I'm sooo getting knocked up.

Mekhismom said...

Sorry to hear about the nipples. I remember those days well. Bask in the other perks of pregnancy - clean up a flooded basement? I think not. Mommy needs to rest while growing that baby!

Anissa Mayhew said...

perhaps you should just be topless more during these first few months...in the house, of course, i'd hate for the police to find out that I was responsible in any way for your repeated indecent exposure arrests.

AJ said...

Ugh, Ike's drenching us, too. We got home from my mom's house, only to be greeted by our neighbor telling us the police had come by and told us to be prepared for flooding. Ugh. Don't they know we've met our basement flooding quota for the year?

And...is it sad that I'm so excited to start trying (in 20 days) and get knocked up again, that I'm like "Ohhhhh, I can't wait until my nipples hurt again, and maybe I'll vomit as much as Brittany too. Awwww." I'm sick. Seriously, who looks forward to that? Whatever, I'm crazy, and soon (hopefully) I'll have pregnancy to blame it on:)

Swirl Girl said...

My tits got so big I actually closed the car door on one of them.
And you could hang a coat on my nipples...still.

Average Girl In Average World said...

You are truley my hero. I say, ride it till the wheels fall off!!!

After all.... you are carrying his child;)

alanna rose said...

Sorry about the basement; we've had WIND - the kind that blows down half the trees in the neighborhood. But I can't complain because after the guys put away the chainsaws we drank beer in the garage.

I got nothing for the nipple situation - sorry!

ali said...

I'm having sympathetic nipple pains reading this. Although, that could be due to the boob job show last night on Discovery Health where they CUT THE NIPPLES OFF! Blegh.

Emily said...

Yeah, I don't miss the super sore nips at all. Now they're just sore, not super sore, and it's not so bad, I guess.

You should totally take advantage of not helping around the house. I did nothing my first tri and loved it.

texasholly said...

Oh so sorry. If I were closer I would come over, follow you around holding your clothes away from your nipples. That is just the kinda friend I am....if that doesn't creep you out.

The Mom said...

Oh I remember that...our shower head was super duper powerful and I'd lay 2 wash cloths over mine so the water wouldn't pelt them!

Ahh, the joys of growing a baby!

Deb said...

SO GLAD I'm done having kids - you remind me daily why we're done. Vomiting, nipple pain, etc. Please...please write more. You are the best birth control a mom of three kids could ask for!

Keely said...

I gotta stop reading your blog, Xander is never going to have any siblings.

Not Just Any Jen said...

Ouch. Try the nipple shields. I never had this problem before the baby, though.

Threeboys1mommy said...

So I take a detour at Sarah Palin's Wikipedia page to prepare for my comment and your talking soar nipples! Nice Britt, Nice!

LdybugSammi said...

nipple pain is the worst!!! I dont know how people get them pierced

DCD said...

Ooo, early pregnancy nipple pain is the worst. Actually, next to the worst. Breast-feeding nipple pain is second to none. So you got that to look forward to!

(If that's the route you take...I'm non-judgmental!)

Carolyn...Online said...

I just had a baby in the house! And it was lovely and beautiful and delish and I'm so glad she went home so I can get some sleep.

(No nipples were harmed in the weekend spent with the baby.)

jill jill bo bill said...

Do you think I can use the sore nipple excuse, even tho I'm not pregnant? I need a new one. "I'm fat and lazy" just isn't holding water anymore.

Dejoni said...

Just wait til you have that baby hanging on them every 2 hours and their cracked and bleeding...sounds like fun, huh?
I am SO glad I am fixed and don't have to have anyone irritating my nipples except Rico.
With all that constipation...you know the hemorroids will be here before you know it!!!!LOL!

Kiki said...

Get a ShamWow. Seems like it works for everything.

Jennifer said...

Ouch! But at least you got out of basement clean-up duty!!

Tena said...

all that plus in a few months more dirty diapers! Motherhood really does rock! Hoping your madonna cone bra does the trick today

DCD said...

kiki - I am LMAO!!!

Annie said...

yeah.........you have a "get out of the basement" pass for a good 9 months! Enjoy!

Bethany said...

And so the nipple stories start! J/K I think that your the only person that I don't know ... that I don't mind hearing about your nipps ;)

JenniBeanV said...

Oh I remember the sore nips! OUCH! Know what helps? Getting to the 2nd trimester...

lamb said...

aj is obviously insane. next time ill let her be my surrogate.

HappyHourSue said...

There is nothing worse than pregnancy nipple pain. Except oh, yeah - a human sucking on them every 2 hours. I got your back in case you forget anything else. :)

Jamie said...

Ummmm, maybe they are sore from you plucking those nipple hairs out?? That what usually happens when I pluck my out.

I know your pain, you are a trooper to stay barefoot and prego for the last 3+ year of your life? That leads me to believe you are into nipple pain? That or your hubby has been doing a 3 year long remodel on your house. That's how I got out of doing any work on remodeling...I just got pregnant everytime it was time to get to work.

Jo-Jo said...

I am soooo glad I am done haveing kids!

How to Party with an Infant said...

Why does that happen? Tp prepare us for the main course of pain?

beth - total mom haircut said...

Oh Honey, I hear you. I actually cried once...no, twice about my nipple pain...twice during each pregnancy. That cone system is a fab idea.

So what are your thoughts on Sarah Palin? Um, you scared me there:)

heather said...

Right there with ya with the sore boobs...except my kid is 2 months old. Breastfeeding sucks (or in our case, didn't suck) so I'm pumping every few hours. Which hurts and is annoying. And messy. And who is watching the toddler while I pump? Answer: no one.

Brittany said...

Judy...That is such a good idea!

Casey...I think you found your calling in nipple gear.

Kel...Fuck yes, get on it.

Mekhismom...I know, I love planning my pregnancies around heavy lifting and natural disasters.

Anissa...So, will you be my character witness at my trial?

AJ...We flood every decent rain, I am at my limit!!!! I can't wait for you to be pg!!!!

Swirl...HAHAHAHA! I know, I feel like they are obscene!

Average Girl...I know, I am not doing shit this pg.

Alanna...A beer in the garage sounds like the best thing ever.

Ali...I KNOW! I saw that, they like burn them!

Emily...Andy is starting to catch on though:(

Holly...I am so glad we became instant BFFs!!!!!!!!!1

Jen...HAHAHA! I can't even face the stream, I may have to try the wash clothes!

Deb...I know! I should market myself as such, maybe if Bristol Palin had read my blog...

Keely...HA! I know, you will never have sex because of me again!

Jen...Hmmm...I may have to try them, i never used them for the pain pre-baby.

Threeboys...BWHAHAHAHA! I tricked you!

Ldybug...Me either, I can't imagine having them pierced then getting pg!

DCD...Hey...are you saying I am a bad mom if I formula feed:) Ahhh....I love the great milk debate!

Carolyn...Those are the best babies to have! I really don't care for them until they are past 6 months old.

Jill...You should totally use it, blame it on holistic breast enhancer pills!

Dejoni...Why is it when they are dead and ready to fall off, my husband won't leave them alone?

Kiki...I love that commercial!

Jennifer...True...almost worth it!

Tena...I know, and if I have three in diapers I will shoot myself!

Annie...I have a get out of everything beyond sitting on my ass on the couch watching Gossip Girl pass!

Bethany...I know, right! I bond strangers over my nipples!

Jenni...THANKS!

Lamb...She must have selective amnesia!

Sue...Sweet thanks, remind me about all the other parts that totally suck ass.

Jamie...Yeah, I have had the longest stretch of pregnancy ever! And you are right, plucking them is NOT helping the situation.

JoJo...You are done? Already?

Party with an Infant...It's just a teaser.

Beth...Welll...I think she is a little bit of a psycho...in lipstick.

Heather...Exactly. I am so on the fence about breastfeeding, as if I do, who knows what the other two monsters will do out of eyesight!

Salt City Mistress said...

Holy shit girl! Found you through Sarah Nielson and Feisty Charlie, been reading your comments for a couple of months...simply, you crack me up!

Sandy C. said...

I remember that pain. I wore padded bras for months to shield any possibility of wind. Now I just wear them because miss mah bewbs.

LiteralDan said...

Assuming this worked for you, I have to ask: does it only work for YOU when pregnant? Because I don't know how many times I have sternly reminded my wife that my nipples hurt when chore time comes around, to no effect so far.

As a side note, re: this post title/Sarah Palin, I continue my forbidden blog-love affair.


P.S. You have made the dank smell of a flooded basement, which I am currently covered in, that much more unpleasant by invoking the word "post-coital".

Raging Dad said...

Sarah Palin totally makes my nipples bleed. Oh, the pain! That's why I won't be voting the repub ticket...

Jenna McCarthy said...

Sorry about the nipples and all, but more importantly: WHERE can I get those leopard peep-toe pumps? Seriously. Must. Have. Them.

Weith Kick said...

Sometimes my balls hurt. But for different reasons.

Jo-Jo said...

One more quick comment. I left you a little something over on my blog. Come on over to see what it is!

Elisa said...

This may have been the case for me too, but I can't tell for sure because I was asleep for most of my first trimester during both my pregnancies. Yeah, that's what it does to me - I almost fell asleep on a guy on the tram once, and he wasn't even good looking.

JennDZ - The Leftover Queen said...

UGH. Reason number 36754 that I am scared to have babies!

JennDZ - The Leftover Queen said...

UGH. Reason number 36754 that I am scared to have babies!

Elizabeth said...

That was funny-- but also, as someone who has never had kids-- quite terrifying!

Elizabeth
http://www.bettyconfidential.com

ParentingPink said...

Oh the pain, the leaking, the pain! The whole painful boob thing is just the price we pay for having a baby I guess. Wish guys could go through some sort of pain in the process! I like the Madonna cone idea - go for it!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

So are you gonna share a pic of this contaption ;)

Hope that pain goes away--hated the first trimester!

Kristen Andrews said...

too funny, oh I remember once being out and my bra was so irritating I took it off and went bra less and didn't even care.

Becky said...

You are just too funny!

Sorry to join the party late but I'm here now!!!