Friday, January 9, 2009

My mother's daughter.

You would think that with me sitting stagnant on the couch, I would just spend oodles of time blogging.

Turns out...life's not so exciting on the couch.

Hmpf.

I had all these grand ideas, like reading and writing and painting my toenails this super cute dark red trampy color I got the other day.

Yet...nothing.

And, in all honesty...I can't even reach my toes anymore.

Plus, I was getting in the shower yesterday, and I was all psyched because I got a new razor head, so I wouldn't be blindly hacking away at my poor bikini line with a dull, jagged, rusty razor anymore. So anyways, I got in only to realize I totally forgot my pretty flower shaped bath loofah (um yeah, you pull one of your hubby's genital hair's out of your body sponge one time, you'll never leave it vulnerable to infiltration again. Ever.), so I step out to grab it from the super secret hiding spot in the wall cabinet, when boom.

I caught my reflection in the mirror, and I thought...Oh my God, where have I seen that body before?

Wait...I remember...on my mother.

Holy Christ.

Get me some cupcakes, some rolos, a keg of Sprite, some crocs, and some pants with a sensible waistline. The transformation is complete. I am never leaving the bathroom again.

Until later tonight. It's Chinese food night at my parents. And I would hate for the boys to miss out on fun bonding at Oma and Opa's house.

So, I'll suck it up, put on a thermal moo moo, and tough it out...for the kids.

And the lomein.

P.S. Did you know I was a MomDot Domestic Dyson Diva!? Sounds hot, huh. Oh it is, complete with a sexy new Dyson Animal, so follow me on my Dyson Animal journey here!

37 comments:

Leah said...

Mmm Lomein. Now I want it. Thanks a lot. I'm not pregnant...I have nothing to blame my fat ass on.

Have a nice night.

alanna rose said...

The same ting happened to me, that's why I'm all about Oprah right now.

AJ said...

My brother tells my daughter to look at me and then says "cuz that's what you're going to look like in 23 years." Then he tells me to look at my mom and says the exact same thing. Yes, we even had our first child at the same age. I'm pretty sure these transformations are inevitable. And I find myself telling my children that they would drive even the virgin mary crazy, same thing my mom told us:)

Jenni Jiggety said...

Sooner or later, we all turn into our mothers. I am currently fighting off the compulsion to bring tupperware containers to buffets.

Emily said...

Ko's is totally worth leaving the bathroom for.

Elaine A. said...

I'm CONSTANTLY looking at my mother's body in the mirror! (EW!) You know what I mean...

Shelly... said...

I am impressed that you still bother to shave down there. I got over that years ago, but then I have been married a bit longer than you. :)

Stacey said...

LOL! I hate that mirror moment when you do the double take "what the hell happened?!!"

DCD said...

I was going to make some totally inappropriate comment that I would think was slightly amusing but would probably cause everyone else to cringe in horror. (My Mother is passed away...)

So, anyhoots, not going to make that comment. Just going to say...at least there is lo mein!!

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Yeah the turning into your own mother thing - that's frightening. But it's worse when your husband calls you out on it....just yesterday I had this insane non-sequitur while conversing with my dude and he's all "Holy crap, you sound just like your mom with that one."

And considering we mock my mom ALL the time for her insane ramblings well....there ya go.

Maybe lomein can cure my woes. ;-)

Joelle said...

I read that whole blog, laughing - chuckling - having comments... then I get to the bottom and read the last time and all I can think is MMMMMMMM Lomein................ lol I think I even drooled a bit.

I'm not even pregnant...

The Mom said...

Now I wouldn't mind it, my mom is slimmer than me and still pretty smokin'...so I wait. Until some bad dream I realize I was destined for my DAD's body...nooooooooooo!

J.Danger said...

Totally had lo mein last night! And egg rolls, and lettuce wraps. Sweet!

Diane said...

Now I'm hungry for lomein. Thanks for that.

Hey, where do you get those thermal moo moos? It's been pretty cold her lately...

Swirl Girl said...

Please don't tell me I look like my mother...I can't stand the thought of wearing a bra with like 8 hooks and the bucket o' undies and the Poise pads...please not the Poise pads.

Scary Mommy said...

Oh, girlfriend, I have so been there. Pretty fucking scary, huh? But the lomein always wins!

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

My biggest fear is morphing into my mother. But I'd do it for the Chinese Food.

Jos said...

found your blog recently & you're hilarious. right up my alley. um, & are you dutch by chance? (oma & opa?) I'm 1/2, on my mom's side. while I don't have the mama-double-take in the mirror I do seem to channel her at the most inappropriate times, which freaks me out plenty. I've accepted that we all turn into our mothers & I'm trying my darndest to turn into the *better* parts of her. tough battle, it is.

Lamb said...

Get me some cupcakes, some rolos, a keg of Sprite, some crocs, and some pants with a sensible waistline.

^^^^ so i was going to ask to be invited to the party, then i realized where you were going with that.

still kinda sounds like a fun party tho.

Anissa Mayhew said...

It's moments like this that I'm glad I'm adopted....although apparently my own genes are nothing to get too terribly excited about...but at least I know (and I love her) but I won't ever look like my mom.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

yeah, I have definitely been noticing the similarities between my mom's physique and mine lately and the way our stomach pouches hang in a similar manner and I have to admit I am a couple steps away from a starvation diet and marrying a plastic surgeon to put a stop to the madness...

zandor said...

I don't see my mom in the mirror, but I definately do things that she does. Also, now I really want chinese food. I go back to school (college) Sunday and my school has really good lo mein noodles. I think I will get some of those Monday.

ParentingPink said...

Well, you know what they say - daughter's tend to pick up on their mother's traits at some point. At least you got some lomein out of the whole shocking experience :-)

American in Norway said...

I am looking more & more like my mother & I 'm not even preggers!

Laura said...

I avoid the naked at all costs. My dad's frame, my mom's giant not-friendly-with-gravity boobs and my grandma pencil legs with chubby belly.
My naked is someone going nuts with photoshop. Not pretty. I may have an extra mu-mu you could borrow!!

Judy@nofearentertaining said...

It's a sad day when we realize we have become our Moms. The Chinese food should help though!

Threeboys1mommy said...

A thermal moo moo! Where do I get one of these bad boys!?!

Amanda said...

Gosh, I love new razors. Can you still even see down there? :) I am 30 weeks and I sure as heck can't. Luckily the husband didn't mind helping me a bit.

Brittany said...

Oh my god! That just happened to me a few months ago!

The thing is, the body I recognized as my mother's had NOT had the 2 kids that my mom had.

I joined weight watchers like 10 minutes later and now avoid mirrors when I am forced to be naked.

April said...

lomein sounds fantastic.

Keli said...

Stellar post, my dahling. I laughed so hard, my hubby actually came to the puter to read what had me in stitches.

We've all been there at that moment in the mirror when time catches up with us, and suddenly we're as sexy as pigs in tutus. So pretty. I guess that's why it's so important to have self esteem so deeply ingrained from a young age.

musing said...

Two rules of pregnancy: Avoid mirrors at all costs. Eat Chinese whenever possible.

LiteralDan said...

I can only assume you printed this out and read it to your mom over the lo mein.

You'll put through once this pregnancy is done and you're finished "glowing" for awhile, methinks.

Marie said...

I'm coming to believe that this happens to all (or most) women at some point. It's already started with in the form of saying things she says. Just blurting them out of nowhere. Yikes!

Aria said...

My loofah, my razor and my heel scraper thingey are all in the witness protection program thanks to one hubby pube.

And yeah, can't EVER skip the Chinese food... I'd make Chinese night if I were on life support ~ they'd claim it was a miracle, but it would only be the miracle of Chinese food...

Lo said...

Gotta admit it myself -- I think I actually blog more when I'm busy than when I'm on vacation. Strange, that!

rachael said...

hoo, eee, so glad I found you! funny stuff, girl!