Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sweet tea and gravy.

I am never going home. I am in a hotel room in a strange city, outside of a podunk town (even more podunkier than my current town), where the weather can best be described as sticky, and the mosquitoes as rabid. What's the draw?

Two things.

1. I always sleep better in hotel beds. Even though, I am pretty sure I am sleeping on a mattress of bed bugs and a sheet full of body fluids, I don't care, it is always way more comfortable than my bug infested, body fluid bed at home. Besides, I am pretty sure I freeze any live bacteria when I turn the ac on extra high all night, leaving us all to shiver in splendor, with the secretion coated top quilt pulled up to our chinny chin chins. Even as I type this, everyone else is still sleeping! This never happens. I even checked them to be sure they weren't just a bunch of lined up frozen corpses. Nope, I feel air coming from their blue lips! I can't wait to take a bath in a clean tub with no hair stuck to the walls and make long distance phone calls from the phone next to the toilet.

2. Shoneys. I. Love. Shoneys. I realize that to the local folk, Shoneys is probably the equivalent to a dirty dog meat bacon Denny's us Northerners refuse to eat at, but I don't care. I love any place that lets me truly eat all I can eat, piling my plate high with eggs, southern hash browns, and even chicken wings. Chicken wings for breakfast! And as icing on the cake, I can cover the whole thing with sausage gravy, and play guess what I am sticking in my mouth back in my sticky leather booth. The kids love it. I love it. The hubby, well he is a little girl when it comes to buffets, so we all mock him and his small sensitive stomach, but I think he has fun anyways.

Oh shit, someone is waking up behind me. This puts me one step closer to chicken wings and gravy!


Michelle said...

Tell the GA they can't have you and get your ass home.

Not Just Any Jen said...


But I always sleep better in hotels too.

Enjoy your stay.