Sweet tea and gravy.

I am never going home. I am in a hotel room in a strange city, outside of a podunk town (even more podunkier than my current town), where the weather can best be described as sticky, and the mosquitoes as rabid. What's the draw?

Two things.

1. I always sleep better in hotel beds. Even though, I am pretty sure I am sleeping on a mattress of bed bugs and a sheet full of body fluids, I don't care, it is always way more comfortable than my bug infested, body fluid bed at home. Besides, I am pretty sure I freeze any live bacteria when I turn the ac on extra high all night, leaving us all to shiver in splendor, with the secretion coated top quilt pulled up to our chinny chin chins. Even as I type this, everyone else is still sleeping! This never happens. I even checked them to be sure they weren't just a bunch of lined up frozen corpses. Nope, I feel air coming from their blue lips! I can't wait to take a bath in a clean tub with no hair stuck to the walls and make long distance phone calls from the phone next to the toilet.

2. Shoneys. I. Love. Shoneys. I realize that to the local folk, Shoneys is probably the equivalent to a dirty dog meat bacon Denny's us Northerners refuse to eat at, but I don't care. I love any place that lets me truly eat all I can eat, piling my plate high with eggs, southern hash browns, and even chicken wings. Chicken wings for breakfast! And as icing on the cake, I can cover the whole thing with sausage gravy, and play guess what I am sticking in my mouth back in my sticky leather booth. The kids love it. I love it. The hubby, well he is a little girl when it comes to buffets, so we all mock him and his small sensitive stomach, but I think he has fun anyways.

Oh shit, someone is waking up behind me. This puts me one step closer to chicken wings and gravy!